Boundaries in adoption can sometimes be very hazy. What part of the adoption information and details belongs to whom? It is common for adoptees to go through times that they do not want to share their adoption journey and some adoptees do not feel comfortable sharing it at all.

I remember when I was in my late teens (18 or 19ish) we were at church function, a person that was visiting came up out the clear blue sky and asked about me being adopted. I was surprised to say the least and quickly learned that my mother had told her. I was thrown for a loop for a couple of reasons. One reason was that I was not expecting someone that I did not really know to talk with me about something that was so personal without me initiating the conversation. The major reason was that this was a time in my life that I was trying to understand how being adopted impacted me along with all the other stuff at that age. I quickly told my mom that this bothered me greatly and please do not share something so personal with others without my permission or knowledge. She did not really understand my reasoning and thought that I was too private but she did respect my wishes.

I do not think most people understand that for some adoptees that their adoption journey and information is a very personal thing. It is weird and can make you feel like you are exposed when others know personal adoption stuff about you. It can also give people the illusion that they have the right to ask you personal questions and you may have just met them five minutes ago. Then the questions start coming: What is it like to be adopted? Where are your real parents? What was wrong with you? What do you call your adoptive parents? Wasn’t it strange to be raised by people that were not your parents? Why did they give you away? What are your real parents like? Etc.

For whatever reason when people know something personal about you it can give them the impression that they can ask you deeply personal and rude questions. This can make an adoptee feel every violated.

Continued.........

Faith in Hoping to Adopt has provided some great information and insight on an adoptee's privacy issues.

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