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Adoptee Blog

11/28/07

Who's Adoption Story is it to Tell?

Posted by : Abby in Adoptee Blog at 11:01 pm , 396 words, 301 views  
Categories: Us, the Adoptees
Boundaries in adoption can sometimes be very hazy. What part of the adoption information and details belongs to whom? It is common for adoptees to go through times that they do not want to share their adoption journey and some adoptees do not feel comfortable sharing it at all.

I remember when I was in my late teens (18 or 19ish) we were at church function, a person that was visiting came up out the clear blue sky and asked about me being adopted. I was surprised to say the least and quickly learned that my mother had told her. I was thrown for a loop for a couple of reasons. One reason was that I was not expecting someone that I did not really know to talk with me about something that was so personal without me initiating the conversation. The major reason was that this was a time in my life that I was trying to understand how being adopted impacted me along with all the other stuff at that age. I quickly told my mom that this bothered me greatly and please do not share something so personal with others without my permission or knowledge. She did not really understand my reasoning and thought that I was too private but she did respect my wishes.

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I do not think most people understand that for some adoptees that their adoption journey and information is a very personal thing. It is weird and can make you feel like you are exposed when others know personal adoption stuff about you. It can also give people the illusion that they have the right to ask you personal questions and you may have just met them five minutes ago. Then the questions start coming: What is it like to be adopted? Where are your real parents? What was wrong with you? What do you call your adoptive parents? Wasn’t it strange to be raised by people that were not your parents? Why did they give you away? What are your real parents like? Etc.

For whatever reason when people know something personal about you it can give them the impression that they can ask you deeply personal and rude questions. This can make an adoptee feel every violated.

Continued.........

Faith in Hoping to Adopt has provided some great information and insight on an adoptee's privacy issues.

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Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: scarlet moon 13 [Member] Email
In the beginning the adoption all of it belong to the parents.
They may have been sharing their journey to concieve or adopt a child with friends and family for years. They continue to share up to a point, depending on how they feel about it all the while you are growing up.

It isn't until the adoptee really starts to understand they are the center of the story that mom and dad may notice that the child is no long ignoring the converstation. And may be uncomfortable about it.

But still there may be 100's of people by that time who know a lot or a little about the adoption and child.

Then you have people who do what happened to you. Just launch into a converstation about it all.

When, even then they should only talk to your mom, unless you start the conversation.

Parents who may still be unconsciously still promoting adoption will use their own life as an example. Others want to let it go as how life started, but not have to bring it up everyday.

good luck.. I have run out of thoughts for tonight

PermalinkPermalink 11/29/07 @ 00:04
Comment from: scarlet moon 13 [Member] Email
please forgive the spelling errors,
I am very tired this evening.
PermalinkPermalink 11/29/07 @ 00:05
Comment from: heatherbee [Member]
Hello,
Yes, I have had that happen more times than I can count even before I was reunited with my "birth" family. I never did like it when people would say, "where are your REAL parents?". The two people who raised me ARE my parents. Those who are not involved with adoption in any way just don't seem to understand that. I can't stand it when people call my parents "your adoptive parents" as if they aren't my real parents. Sigh...the jargon gets so confusing and someone is always offended...no matter how hard you try it seems...

Enough said for now I suppose.
PermalinkPermalink 05/07/08 @ 16:34
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