I want to know who I look like – I want tknow my ethnicty, who my father is, why I was lost to adoption…what is my mother’s name, who are my ancestors – there is tons of information that adoptees search for – perhaps the order of importance in which the information is placed can differ from adoptee to adoptee, but the core reasons for searching are the same.

I didn’t want a relationship with my mother when I started searching – I convinced myself that I only wanted information about my identity and past. But when we reunited a relationship developed anyway.

Before searching I changed my mind a million times about what I wanted – I just knew, like I’d always known, that I had to find my mother, father and siblings – that would lead to understanding me.

I wasn’t trying to replace my a-family – the idea that I would or wouldn’t never entered my head. But, had I wished to replace my a-parents with my found family that would have been okay, too. I was taken from my mom and dad then sent to live with strangers…..how could anyone not understand why an adoptee would have the desire to go back and be part of the family they lost to adoption?

Having young children of my own, I imagine the sense of loss, possibly relief, that my birth mother may have felt when she gave me up for adoption. The gift that my adoptive parents gave to me, the love and nurturing, education, support is so selfless. It’s also a gift that they gave to my birht parents by taking on the responsibility of raising me. Since my adoptive mother died over 11 years ago and since I became a mother almost 7 years ago, I have become increasingly curious about my birth mother, her experiences with pregnancy and birth and the adoption process. I now have something in common with her besides our genes, we are both mothers. If I ever do actually find her, and if we ever meet in person, one my hopes is that any trauma or unresolved feelings she may have about it are healed. And if she doesn’t want to be found or met, that’s ok too. But I at least want a name. I want to be able to tell my children my whole story. I know my life story from the time of my adoption. But It would be so nice to have the completed one. That would be a gift to me.