July 24th, 2013
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Categories: Ages & Stages

loisIn the last post I introduced myself to you. I forgot to include an important part of my adoption story. My parents were over forty when they adopted me. For the most part this was not a big deal but as I do some research it seems they were ahead of the curve as older adoptive parents. This is now an accepted practice rather than an exception.

First let me give you some background. My dad was a veteran of WWII and worked as a supervisor in a garage for a large trucking company. He wasn’t the typical management type…he just knew more than the rest of the mechanics. My mom was a stay at home wife who took great pride in her home.  They married in their late twenties. My dad was in his mid-thirties when he enlisted in the Army. There is a theme here.

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From talking to my parents, I understood I was their last chance to adopt due to their ages. My birth mother kept me for nearly a year- surrendering me after she learned she was pregnant with my brother. More on this later. So my parents were thrilled when they were approved and I was about a year old when they picked me up.

Doing some reading on older parents of adoptees I’ve learned that today older adoptive parents are not unusual. Generally older parents, especially those over 50, do not adopt infants but it appears that a child under 5 is not uncommon.

In my case, my parents were in their late forties and early fifties when I was in grade and high school. Most of my friends had much younger parents but I can’t remember my parents being mistaken for my grandparents. As an only child with older parents, there were perks. I played ball in grade school and my mom was always available to drive the players and often stayed for the games. Many other moms had babies at home and could not be part of a car pool but my mom was always there. I think she took as much joy in our wins as we did.

I’m interested in hearing about your comments of older adoptive parents. While they may not have the energy of a 30 year old (for example) they do offer lots of wisdom and in many cases have a more secure home life both financially and emotionally.

I did always worry a bit about their health and how I could help them when they were much older. But sadly I lost my dad when I was 21 and my mom when I was 35. I did not have to deal with issues of elder care. I did have worries if they would send me back (to the orphanage). I guess that is a common concern of adoptees. My concerns were real to me. My mom had the phone number of a local home for “wayward” girls   in her phone book and often threatened to send me to them to straighten up but she never once threatened me with a return to the orphanage. For that I’m grateful. Perhaps this was not a great approach but I was not damaged psychologically.

I’d really like to hear of your experiences as a child of older adoptive parents or your thoughts in general. I often thought about my parents when dealing with my own kids. They were in high school and I was pulled in four different directions at one time. I was in my late thirties then. I can’t imagine dealing with these issues if I were in my late fifties.

Those are my thoughts from the cabbage patch…

2 Responses to “View from the Cabbage Patch pt 2”

  1. mdr69 says:

    My parents used threats with me too but never followed through. I think it was destructive to me.

    • Lois Marne says:

      MDR- Threats are really ineffective. I guess our parents were new at this “adoption” thing and wanted us to understand that they had choices. We didn’t. Scary!

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