[Continued from HERE.]

I am touched by the compassion many birth parents, adoptive parents and even adoptees themselves have for the pain experienced by some adoptees, as illustrated on the net. I do worry, however, after reading through the many comments made on the blogs, that the fragile line between support and enabling might have been crossed. Giving a person support when they express their hopes, fears, regrets, problems, etc is important and necessary. There is also a point at which, I believe, the nurturing of a person can change to nurturing self-indulgence... the technical term is ‘enabling’ and it is dangerous.

Healing is a process. The word ‘process’ indicates some sort of motion. I believe it is a goal in life for everyone, in essence, to move forward, not to regress or worse, to stagnate. Moving forward, however, can only really happen while facing forward instead of always staring back into the unchangeable void. Glancing back is a good tool to help us all not repeat the same mistakes, not to allow the same mistakes to be perpetrated by others. But if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a trillion times: too much of a good thing is usually a very bad thing.

So here we are, at the final bit of the final wrap up.

I am convinced by all of the research, both scholarly and otherwise, that there are topics (issues) that are crucially, intrinsically, EXCLUSIVELY, adoptee in nature. Crossing the stream to problem (issue) land seems to happen via relentless obsessing, unrealistic expectations and either a subconscious unwillingness or inability to let go and move on to the next drama on life’s big soundstage.

I firmly believe that while there are "topics" that are adoptee-specific, ANY topic in one’s life can metamorphosize into a "problem," if one lets it, with the same easy steps ... and one definitely does not need to be an adoptee for this to happen. Come on, be honest: how many of your current ‘problems’ started as some topic in your life that you often thought about/considered/discussed ... and somewhere along the line, it became urgent, perhaps an obsession ... and it was all downhill from there?

Once an issue (topic) has become an issue (problem), there is only one way out: resolution. And yes, that IS the hard part… it is also the only part that really matters.



[Next blogs: "Post Scripts to the Tripod… I mean tricycle… um, triclops?… oh, yes, that’s it… TRIAD!]