[Continued from HERE.]


Even though reading the blogs helped me to unravel the puzzle involving ‘topics,’ ‘problems’ and their specificity (or not) to adoptees, there was also a lot there that has made me sad.

I feel sad for my fellow adoptees that can not seem to find piece of mind. I feel sad that they do not appear to realize that while they may not have ‘chosen’ to be adopted or be raised by people of a different race or whatever, these things were/are/will always be parts of their reality, part of who they are. I feel sad that they can’t embrace those particular facts and mobilize each one as part of the fluidity of their characters, their souls. I am sad that they seem to only want to acknowledge and embody things that were ‘could-have-been’s’ and not what was, not what is.

I am always sad for people caught in the looking-back trap as it is inevitable that in so doing they will run into something and injure themselves. No one can see where one is, where one is going, by staring into a rear-view mirror.

I feel sad for birth parents that can’t seem to let themselves heal, even when they have had reunions and see that their child has grown up well. I feel sad that they, too, like some adoptees, are trapped in their own web of looking back. I feel sad that so many birth mothers feel as though they are constantly being villainized, that everyone around them, even society as a whole, thinks they are bad people: I for one have never thought such. I never will.

I am sad that so many people, both adoptees and birth mothers, who decide to search do so with completely unreal, nearly surreal, expectations for both the reunion itself and the subsequent relationship they would like to see emerge from that moment. I feel sad whenever an individual believes a new relationship ship will ‘fix’ everything ‘wrong’ with them … instead of realizing that, like good ol’ Dorothy in the wonderful world of wizard, they have had the power in themselves to ‘fix’ things all along.

[Continued: Next blog… the last of its kind.]