[Continued from HERE.]

Without exception, every blog I read was by someone either in the process of searching or who had completed the process, although with less than pleasing results. All of the searchers had to surmount obstacle after obstacle in order to get any information about their birth parents/families. Some of the adopted bloggers, despite their best efforts, were so far unable to locate anyone from their birth family, while others found their birth parent/parents already dead (they found a grave…). Some birth mothers were unwilling to meet. Some birth mothers that were willing to meet were a disappointment to the adoptees: not sorry enough, not curious enough, not making enough of an effort in the relationship … the list was long.

It seemed to me that every single blogger had very precise expectations long before they began their process: what their search/reunion should be, what it should reap, how their birth parents or family members should act, what should be said. The scene was already set. The problem was, only these adoptees had the script.

This is where the first two hops of a three-stone cross in the topics-to-problems stream hit me between the eyes: obsession and expectation.

The majority of adoptees are curious. We wonder who gave us birth, what they were like, why they didn’t keep us. We speculate as to our ethnic background and where our birth parents are now. Some wonder about siblings (though I don’t for some reason) while others consider their medical background. Some vow during those Pandemonium years better known as the teens, that as soon as they are old enough, they will find their birth parents, believing it will solve all of their problems and make them happy.

Some of those who made such an oath ended up solving their problems in other ways, getting happy as they grew up, leaving their teen years behind them only to once again wonder passively about their past. Others followed through with their decision, starting their search as soon as they possibly could. There are many adoptees who never had more than a passing thought about searching, but decided at some point, "Why not? It will be interesting to see who made me and know more about my history."

Some adoptees, however, become obsessed with the idea of finding their birth parents/families, creating the perfect relationship with them, leaving all the brain chatter behind and finally "fitting" with some people in a way they have never done before.

[Continued ... Next blog: obsession, expectation and the last stone across the stream.]