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Throughout most of my adult life therapy has been a very important part of my growth. I’ve had some good therapists and one GREAT one. I’ve tried a few that didn’t work out because they had no real understanding of adoption issues. Each time I’ve looked for a therapist I’ve found it difficult to find a professional with extensive experience with adoption. Jenna wrote about this issue in her post about finding a therapist that has experience with birth mothers. When members of the adoption triad seek therapy I think it is essential to find someone who specializes in adoption related issues – and the more specialized to a specific situation the better. In my personal experience, therapists who didn’t have a background in adoption were not very useful to me. I found that I spent my sessions educating them on my issues. I was happy they were willing to listen and learn but didn’t really enjoy paying for sessions so I could teach them about adoption issues.
I first went to a few counseling sessions in college but at that point I really wasn’t sure what my “problem” was. I just knew that I was sad, confused and felt isolated from those around me. Oddly, in the few sessions I had we never really even talked about adoption. It came up but the therapist quickly moved on to other topics. In retrospect, I realize I wasn’t ready to talk about my adoption issues and clearly the therapist had little or no adoption therapy experience.
Several years later I was lucky to find a good therapist who, while not an adoption specialist, specialized in grief counseling. It was a good fit for me at that time. I was just learning to understand how loss and grief played a big role in my life and relationships. At this time I started reading extensively on adoption related issues. This also helped me a great deal. I saw her for about a year but stopped when I moved away to attend graduate school. A few years later I was fortunate to find an amazing therapist that I was able to see for just $5 per session at the student health center at my school. I was very lucky to have such an affordable option. I saw her for nearly two years and we worked long and hard on my issues. I remember times leaving her office feeling like I had just run a marathon. I was not just emotionally drained – but physically drained as well. I also remember sessions where we laughed until we cried. Good, meaningful therapy can be hard work, but rewarding (and sometimes even fun) too.
About 18 months ago I decided to look for a new therapist and was able to find a great person who works with adoptive families and has two adult adopted children. It is a great fit. I really feel like she understands me.
I realize that not everyone is as open to therapy as I am – or as willing to talk openly about it. And maybe some adoptees don’t need it (although I don’t know of a single one who wouldn’t benefit from it). For some it may be a short term way to talk out some issues – while for others, like me, it is an ongoing exercise. For those that are interested in starting (or continuing) therapy I strongly recommend finding an adoption specialist. One option for finding these counseling professionals is to get recommendations from a local adoption agency or from local support groups or internet discussion lists. For me, therapy has been an ongoing part of my growth as an adult. I simply would not be the person I am today without some really wonderful, knowledgeable therapists.
