At this time, the feeling of being at sea and in the middle of a hurricane probably describes how my life is. The intense force of everything in life coming at you from all different sides makes keeping your head above the water rather difficult at times. Being overwhelmed does not even begin to describe how I am feeling.

My birth mother and birth sister decided that they now want to meet and talk about things. The whole idea of this makes me queasy and afraid to open myself up to more pain. They will probably change their minds before the meeting even happens.

My oldest daughter and I went to town to shop for the supplies for me to make their Halloween costumes. I decided to visit my birth brother’s grave for the first time. I was hoping that when I returned home that I could throw my self in the costumes instead of being overcome with my feelings after visiting my birth brother’s grave. This in itself was a lot for me to process.

After 30 minutes or so of leaving my brother’s grave I got a phone call that a family member had just passed away. This was not what I needed when I was trying to hold it together emotionally.

Did I forget to mention that my husband is leaving for two weeks for his job this coming weekend? When it rains it pours. This will create major turmoil with two of my special needs little ones that do not accept change well. I pray the eye of my hurricane passes fast so I can have calm waters to begin to process all of these events. Right now I am in survivor mode. The grief of everything that is happening in my life has left me numb and dazed.

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