Sometimes, the media and others paint adoptees as having major issues from psychological needs, consumed with anger, depression, etc. Yes, some adoptees may have dealt with these issues from time to time, but for the most part, their lives are not controlled by these things. There are a few adoptees that are unable to move beyond these issues, that I do understand.
In every walk of life, there are people struggling with issues, but that does not mean that everyone in that walk of life is also struggling. It is funny, sometimes it is like everyone else expects adoptees to be angry and even have issues with being adopted.
This leads one to wonder why others want, expect, or need adoptees to feel negative. Society it seems acts as if adoption is all about the birth mother or family. When adoptees do not search or feel the need for contact with their birth family members, it is just unthinkable to people. People refer to adoptees birth parents as their “real parents”. Does this imply the adoptees are living an “unreal” life with pretend parents? I have never been asked by a person questioning me about being adopted, if I had a happy childhood and am I at peace with being adopted? I have talked with other adoptees and this seems to be a common trend.
I am not saying that adoptees do not experience anger, depression, etc. for the most part we deal with it and move on. Yes, from time to time in our lives events may arise that cause us to revisit these emotions but we do not remain there.
I have been surprised myself about learning how many adoptees end up adopting children themselves. Can adoption be for the most part so bad if the same children that were adopted go on to adopt children of their own?
Adoptees do go on to live normal and productive lives. Yes, surprising as it may seem, a lot of adoptees are okay with being adopted and may even support adoption.
Below are two fellow adoptees that also seem to pretty normal. While some people think that most adoptees are against adoption is not necessarily the truth. Yes, I do know there are some adoptees that are very opposed to adoption but not all adoptees feel that way.
A Utah adoptee, Nathan gave his life for our country in Iraq. Nathan was adopted in Korea at the age of two years old. A die hard biker adoptee supports adoption and seems to be at peace with it. He has also gone on to find his birth parents.
The faces of adoptees are so different. We all have different lives, experiences, journeys, feelings, needs and yes, even struggles that makes each of our adoption experiences so different. Adoption is a part of us, but not who we are.
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Thanks for this perspective. Frankly, I do like to read about the successes because there is a vocal minority of very unhappy triad members on the web. As a pre-adoptive family, our personal experience with many friends and family has been more along these lines, and I appreciate hearing that our perception wasn’t completely out of wack.
That soldier’s family has 18 siblings! That mom- just, wow. Sad for their loss, though. The biker one is a great story too; we’re researching Catholic Charities so it’s nice to see news about them.
Thanks for the post!
I do have issues with being adopted and i think this is normal and should be because i have had challenges different compared to alot of people
i really enjoyed reading your post. i was the 4th child and my bio mom died after i was born my bio father lost it and stayed drunk most of the time.the family i was given to was actually my aunt, her husband and their 2 kids.I grew up with the most wonderful childhood. I looked just like my mother and our personalities were very similar. there was lots of love an get together’s playing games I would of never of known i was adopted and i found out when i was 36 after moving back to virginia to live and spend time with the bio side of the family i am truly sad. i grew up on the west coast my bio siblings i knew as my cousins. but there is so much bitterness i can’t stand it I asked one of my bros something about the adoption and he said i just wanted pity. I am nothing like them and it hurts. Sometimes I wish I never knew.
i really enjoyed reading your post. i was the 4th child and my bio mom died after i was born my bio father lost it and stayed drunk most of the time.the family i was given to was actually my aunt, her husband and their 2 kids.I grew up with the most wonderful childhood. I looked just like my mother and our personalities were very similar. there was lots of love an get together’s playing games I would of never of known i was adopted and i found out when i was 36 after moving back to virginia to live and spend time with the bio side of the family i am truly sad. i grew up on the west coast my bio siblings i knew as my cousins. but there is so much bitterness i can’t stand it I asked one of my bros something about the adoption and he said i just wanted pity. I am nothing like them and it hurts. Sometimes I wish I never knew.
I am a birthmother who is and has been for years and years searching for the baby girl I had to give up for adoption,She was born nov 1978 and I was 16 back then ,,I had to relinquish her at birth via a private adoption with the lawyer Nolan Olsen ( he has a law office in downtown Salt Lake City Utah Olsen and Olsen)and he will not help me find her. I am a birth mother and it was the hardest painfullest thing I ever had to do in my life was to sign the adoption papers at her birth,,So for the past 30 years I have had this empty sad painfull feeling in me and no matter how hard I have tried ( from sign up with the Utah Mutual Consent Voluntary Adoption Registry to sign up with the ISRR to join every search site I can find and beg and plead with Nolan Olsen to either tell me where my daughter is or to tell her I am searching for her and she has a sister,,,,,with all of this I have gotten no where),,,
Please tell me do adoptees wonder who there birth mothers are and would they ever want to hear from there birth mother? Is it possible to perhaps be a happy extended family? My daughter will be 30 this month and I am desperate to find her,
Do you have any suggestions? Thank you ,,,,,,,and Bless you