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I remember when I first started to really explore adoption issues in my life. Once I decided to unlock that door in my mind and really examine some of my issues thoughts and questions flooded out and consumed a great deal of my time and energy. I would think about searching for my birth mother, about talking to my parents about searching and about my fear of searching and about my fear of finding. I had thoughts of resentment, anger and grief. There were just so many things I wanted to talk about but I really didn’t have anyone I felt totally comfortable talking to. I did talk to my family and my friends but I always felt a little guarded. I always felt that even though they listened and even sometimes gave advice they didn’t really understand me. With some people I was trying to explain why adoption was such a profound part of who I was or why it was important for me to talk about my issues but that constant explaining and justifying was exhausting. I just wanted to talk to someone who completely understood me; someone who accepted and understood where I was coming from. I struggled to find people that I felt I could be 100% open with but eventually did find a few of those people. For me, when talking to other adoptees I feel free to talk about all my issues. I don’t feel that I need to censor myself at all. I don’t have to explain anything because they understand me.
Today finding other adoptees to talk to is a lot easier. There are many online and in-person support groups and forums. Some groups provide support in the search process; others provide the option to discuss a wide range of issues – even issues that are not specific to adoption. There are conferences and workshops for adoptees. There are entire communities of adoptees that provide support, discussion, suggestions and assistance. Some of these are groups that meet face to face but many are virtual groups. Many adoption agencies offer a range of services for adult adoptees, including support groups. Most don’t require that you were adopted via their agency. Below are just a few groups that are specifically for adoptees. This list isn’t an endorsement of any particular group – just a sample of the types of groups that exist.
- Adoption.com Adult Adoptee Forum This site has a very active adult adoptee forum. There are numerous categories on a range of topics. I like reading the Adoptee Support forum. The posts cover a wide range of topics and many posters offer great advice or just a helpful comment. I read t his forum regularly.
- Coordinators2 Inc. in Richmond, Virginia offers an in-person support group that is free and available to any adult adoptee or any parent who has placed a child for adoption. The group is led by a social worker, who is a birth mother and an adoptee.
- Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change has an active adoptee-centered support forum. The forum was created by and for adoptees. It includes both an open discussions area and a password protected area that requires registration. I’ve recently started reading this forum and it provides a very wide range of topics and discussions. There is something for pretty much everyone.
- PACT, an Adoption Alliance based in Oakland, California provides a number of onsite support options, including a group for adopted teens.
- The Barker Foundation in Maryland offers an Adopted Persons Group that meets monthly. The group gives adoptees an opportunity to discuss their feelings, concerns and questions about being adopted.
Does anyone else have recommendations for useful groups for adoptees? If so, please post in the comments section.
