Some adoptees will fit into this expectation, while others do not fit. The problem is where the adoptees fit into when they do not meet other's expectations. We cannot all be the same.

Adoptees are waiting for the moment that they can be reunited with their birth families. Adoptees long to reconnect and become the child that was given up so many years ago. Adoptees are looking for a mother and father. There are life long struggles that adoptees are haunted by due to adoption. Most adoptees are against adoption. Our birth families are the typical parents and families waiting for us to return with open arms. An adoptee’s life is all about loss from adoption.

Adoptive families are not the real family. The adoptees feel misplaced, unconnected with their adoptive families. Adoptees should be grateful to their adoptive parents. That reunion is a betrayal to the adoptive parents. The adoptive parents will be hurt by an adoptee search for and reuniting with her birth family.

Reunions with birth families for the adoptees are like returning “home”. Reunions are natural and happy for adoptees. Reunions faced with rejection or troubles are rare.

The expectation of adoptees does not come from one persons, it comes from everyone to the birth families, adoptive parents, and too society. Expectations for parents are a natural thing but with an adoptee add the expectations of others then where do we fit. The pulling that is felt and idea that adoptees need to fit into the expectation of others is difficult for adoptees to feel they have a placement and their voice matters.

We do not all come from the “ideal” birth families but that does not make our experience less. All adoptees have different needs just as do birth families. Adoptees feel the way they do and have that right without others needing to tell us that we are wrong or that the problem is with us. Some of us may not fit into the “normal” adoptee experiences but the truth is I think there are more of us out there than others would like to believe. Adoptees deserve the right to feel or need anything without the stigma of not being a “normal” adoptee.

More reading:

Expectations of an Adoptee

What do Adoptees Hope to Find?