Not all adoptees end their search with a happy family, or the happily ever after. Some end it with uncovering dark secrets of their beginnings. Should adoptive parents tell their children (when they become an adults) about dark secrets from their (the adoptees’) past, or about their birth families past? I hear parents talk about this from time to time. My view is not always the proper one.

I feel that is the individual person meaning adoptee’s information and she has a right to know. While I do understand wanting to protect and shield the ones we love especially our children from pain and heartache but we have to teach them to handle whatever life may bring. Remember, parents will not always be around to shield their children and one day learning the truth that you knew something could cause them to feel very much betrayed by you.

One of my daughters’ birth mother is or was a prostitute before her birth and after. She does not know the father of my daughter. It is believed that she is a product of her birth mother’s work. This is the heartbreaking beginning of my daughter, but it is what it is, something that no one can change. It does not define who she is or who she will become. She is my gift, joy and blessing.

A few adoptees have searched for their birth families and discovered that they were the product of rape or incest then to be rejected again by their birth mothers because of their own pain. It is the adoptee’s right to know the truth about their past.

No one has the right to censor information and play “God” with other peoples’ lives. My view, is love them enough to tell them the truth and be there for them during the journey of their many emotions. My past is what it is, but I have the power to choose my destiny and the kind of person I want to be. I choose to define the person I become, not my past.

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More reading:

Adoptees and Dark Secrets

A Reunion on Death Row