Reunion: Not Always Perfect

I know and have heard from several adoptees that when they found their birth mother or family that they did not want any more contact. Some relationships after a reunion can disintegrate or never get started for any number of reasons. Some people in the adoption community find this so hard to believe. Do you think adoptees are seeking a birth mother to be rejected once again? There can be any number of reasons that can lead up to this, some we will probably never know or even understand.

I do understand that it can be hard for some people to understand, accept or even believe that a birth child does not want contact or an ongoing relationship. To say it does not happen does not make it so.

I made contact with my birth mother a couple of years ago. I do not believe that I had high hopes or expectations. I knew going in that she was not the “ideal” birth mother. Her life has been out of control for years with the choices and lifestyle she lived. I was not looking for someone to be my mother that is place for my adoptive mom. I did think we could have some sort of relationship and contact.

I was not looking to pick up as a family where things ended when she gave me up for adoption. How could I step right into a relationship (that seemed to pre-exist prior to our reunion) to a person that I did not have anything in common with or even know that person? I did have boundaries set going in and so did she.

I would have a relationship with her. This would mean calling, writing and some visits. I also wanted the opportunity to meet and get to know my half sister. I did accept her boundaries even though one of them was talking in detail about my birth father. I did find that a little strange since that relationship did have to do with me. I did not want to seek my birth father out.

Related article at adoption.com:

Is Anything 'Normal'?

Related post:

Reunions Do Not Always Work Out