Once contact has been made with your birth parents a honeymoon period will begin just as do most beginning relationships. It is very easy to get caught up in the euphoria of the experiences of connecting to your past and birth family. The honeymoon period is about joy, happiness, and love, to different degrees. A honeymoon period is not a bad thing at all. It is about preparing ourselves for what comes next. Some honeymoon periods may be short while others are long.

We want to be accepted for the person that we have grown into but we also have a part of us that wants to make people happy. The test of commitment for all parties will begin once we all become our true selves without trying to make everyone happy. Most relationships take hard work and time. This relationship is no different. Honestly, this relationship may require more work than others because this comes with a lifetime of expectations for all parties.

A number of reunions do not make it past this period. The questions, desires, and feelings that we have been living with for years will start coming out. For some birth parents the questions can be too much to deal with because their pain or unresolved issues for their past. Each party may start expecting more than the other person is willing or able to give.

While some reunions come natural without much work, most are difficult at times with a lot of hard work. Taking things nice and slow can also help keep everyone on track while giving everyone time to adjust. Remember this relationship is no different than others. There will be the ups, downs, good times and bad ones.

Start from the beginning as the person you are, not the person you think they want you to be can make things easier in the future. Understand that the person that we have fantasized and dreamed about for years, with all the expectations that come with that, is not the birth parents we will be meeting.

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More reading:

Why do Some Adoptees Not Want Contact?

Expectations with a Reunion

What do Adoptees Hope to Find?

Reunions – Emotions, Desires and Thoughts