I often wondered why some adoptive parents were concerned and worried for their children to look for their birth mothers. After experiencing rejection from my birth mother myself and talking with others that have also experienced rejection, I realized something. Our parents (adoptive) want to protect us from any possible hurt so with the uncertainty that reunion can bring can be a scary thought for parents.

As an adoptive mother knowing the pain the rejection can bring, I want to protect my own children. Not all adoptees have the “ideal” birth mother that is just a fact of life. My adopted children’s birth mother did not visit, make contact, call to check on them or anything else the year and a half they were in foster care after she abandoned them in a hotel room with her brother high on “meth”. So, I have great concerns that she really did not want to be a mother and how she might react when my children one day go searching for her.

This is one area that I think a lot of adoptive parents are misunderstood by birth parents. It is not the idea of them contacting the birth parents. It is the thought of the pain that may come with the contact. Then when the parents try to prepare their children for the disappointment, that they may face it seems they are working their personal agenda.

With being honest on how a reunion may turn out, adoptees can help them prepare of disappointment and also have their support system there.

What is gained by not telling the truth or sugar coating the possible rejection that an adoptee may face? Who gains from the untruths and sugar coating? Give the adoptees the knowledge to make their own decisions and prepare for the possible rejection. Adoptees can move beyond the rejection, if they have knowledge and understanding.

Related posts:

Reunion: Rejection

Reunion: Fear

Reunions: Happiness