The fear of being rejected is probably the greatest fear of an adoptee. Some adoptees feel the first rejection was at birth so in their eyes it can happen again. No one likes to be rejected. The feelings that an adoptees may feel is that they are not good enough and are unloved when they feel rejected.

When an adoptee does make contact with her birth mother to be rejected the feelings that she is experiencing feels, that it is over before it even started. The door was closed so quickly in your face before you even had a chance to say a word. The pain and grief that sweep over you feels unbearable. Your hopes and dreams of a happy reunion vanish before your eyes. You set wandering how things could go so wrong.

What could be so wrong with you for a mother to reject a child that she gave life to. The impact of that final rejection can be devastating to an adoptee. What have I done?

Some people would say and like to believe that this does not happen or that it is not a possibility. The truth is that it does happen and you can hear plenty of sad reunion stories from adoptees. Reunions do not all result with happy endings, no matter how much we would like to believe it.

It does not help adoptees to have things sugar coated to them. We need to know going into a reunion that it is a possibility, that we may face rejection from our birth mothers. It is somewhat easier to prepare yourself than to be blind-sided. It also can be crushing to think you are the only adoptee that has been rejected during a search by your birth mother.

Why people cannot be open and honest about all the possibilities of reunion including rejection by the birth mother is confusing. All the cards should be placed on the table (the good, bad and ugly) for the adoptee to understand what may or may not happen. Knowledge is powerful.

Related posts:

Reunion: Fear

Reunions: Happiness