It is so strange to hear people talk about birth mothers and birth families like they are all the same. I do understand that there are a lot of birth mothers that are great mothers. They may have been faced with a pregnancy at a time in their life they could not deal with, that does not mean every birth mother falls under this heading.

When a birth mother was making bad choices (meaning drugs, multiple men, abuse of her children, living with continued violence, in and out of jail, etc.) that may have lead to her placing a child up for adoption and then continues through her life making the same choices. This can change everything for an adoptee; their feelings, relationships, and how successful a reunion is. Making assumptions that all adoptees should have the same kind of relationship as another adoptee or the same views and feelings is wrong.

It is great that a lot of adoptees have a birth mother that went on to make a life for herself, and one day will share it with the child she gave up to adoption. This can make a reunion and relationship more comfortable for the adoptee.

Sadly, there are thousand of children that have birth mothers that their lives are completely out of control (and stay out of control) and some children come out of child protective services with their parental rights terminated. So, where do the adopted children fit in when they are not blessed with the “ideal” birth mother or family due to circumstances out of their control?

Every adoption, adoptee, birth mother and family are totally different in the lives, the events that lead up to adoption and relationships with any or all parties. It should not be viewed as one is right and another is wrong when dynamics in anything can change the outcome of this.

Related post:

Reunions Not Always the Same

Reunions Do Not Always Work Out

Related article at adoption.com:

Tension in Reunion