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The truth is that people do not need to know the details of an adoptee’s past. I remember as a child when people learned I was adopted they would ask my mom about the details even if I was right there. My mom would change the subject or ask them inappropriate questions. I remember we were at the beauty shop and this happened. My mom asked her if her child has planned or was she unexpected? The lady did not appreciate my mom’s question. They exchanged some words before it got too heated my mom told me to run on. I watched from afar and liked seeing this lady get upset when someone asked her personal questions.
To this day I am surprised at the questions that I am asked by strangers, acquaintances, friends and yes even family members concerning my adopted children. Everyone knows that we adopted through foster care or that is how people learn that we have adopted children.
Some of the questions I have been asked and how I responded:
Where are their mom and dad or real parents? We are their mom and dad or real parents.
What happened to their real parents? The courts decided they could not provide for them.
Were they abused? Most children in foster care are abused or neglected.
What kind of abuse happened to them? The important thing is their lives now. We do not talk about the details for their past.
Are you going to tell them about their real parents? They will know everything when they are ready.
I am amazed that strangers feel that they have a right to know or ask personal questions about your children’s past. Some of the questions do come from curiosity about foster care, but some people want to hear about all the horrible things these children have endured.
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