[Continued from HERE.]

Again, the adoption-inspired feeling you probably want for your child is not "different," as from there it is a short hop to "freak." The goal feeling should probably be "similar, but special and unique."

How? Well, maybe it needs to start with a gentle reminder to yourself that your child will have her/his own relationship with their having been adopted, regardless of your intentions for that relationship. Even if it is similar to yours, it will have to be different because of the different roles that you play… no two legs on the pot experience the same heat in the cooking. (Well, maybe they do, but not for my metaphor.)

Whether you tell your child from very young or you decide to wait until they are “old enough to understand” (I wouldn’t suggest leaving this past seven or eight years,) it is important to let them decide where and when they are comfortable announcing themselves with the adopted bit attached (so to speak.) It is such a small thing, I know, but small things easily transform into big things. At home, among friends, keep the lines of communication open and be able to laugh at yourselves at adoption-related silliness or even difficulty. There is no other way. Ya gotta laugh.


From that very baseline point, there remains some gaps between the information and stories that biological kids have that adopted kids don’t. Try not to let the gaps glare. Fill them with the stories and memories that are available ... and then create new stories and memories together. I’m talking about “birth” and first days of life stories, for instance the time of birth, how hairy (or not) your child was when she/he came out looking like a baby gorilla and the decible-heavy scream first ommitted upon entering the ether of our atmosphere. For children adopted older, many of the 'firsts' that are such popular tales to tell are missing: first steps, first words ... you know what I mean.

I am sure some of you feel this gap as well. While you may not be able to give this information, start your own collection of "firsts"... their first words to YOU, for example.

As I am writing this, many specific ideas-suggestions-whatevers and (perhaps) helpful personal experiences have come to mind, so I will put them in the blog after the post-scripts are all finished.

Will keep you POSTED … hahaha … I’ve been dying to use that in a blog since I started. I’m snorting with laughter. It could be a too-much-coffee kind of thing … or that I’m as pun-ny as the day is long…

[Continued…]