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Yes, after birth, there was adoption, giving us the second leg of our three-legged pot … and the recipient group of this particular post script:

p.p.s. A Note to Adoptive Parents


Apparently, there are plenty of adoptive parents worried because of the emotional impact many blogging adoptees attribute to having been adopted. There is a lot of negativity out there. Some of you have made comments to the effect that the adoptees you know aren’t like those that are blogging and so reading a ‘happy adoptee’ perspective is a relief as it tends to resonate with your own ride with various wheels on the adoption tricycle.

It is remarkable how quick we are to disbelieve our personal experiences in favor of the written word: we KNOW well-adjusted adoptees, perhaps plenty of them … but we read on the net that adoptees are miserable. Well then, it must be true: adoption negatively impacts children! The power of the written word strikes again.

I think it is great that so many of you are on the net, looking for ways to be the best parents you can for your child. I respect you for reading blogs by adoptees and trying to understand our mindsets and issues. Just remember, the main reason, self-stated, that many of the bloggers are writing their blogs in the first place is to share their pain and get the support of others feeling the same way. They need the forum and it is good that the internet offers such an opportunity. But…

That does not mean you should be worried that you may have doomed your children to a life of pain and misery. Please, do not read the blogs by angry or sad or frustrated adoptees and immediately assume that the states of mind you find there are straight from the crystal ball that holds the secrets of your child’s future. The perspectives of these adoptees are an opportunity for empathy and learning and should not be dismissed, but also should not be considered a representation of the majority.

Adoptees that are ok with having been adopted are not, generally, writing blogs, for the simple fact that they don’t need that outlet. I never would have considered writing a blog about being adopted had I not been approached by another blogger at Adoption.com. As a matter of fact, I couldn’t have even imagined that there was a call for such a thing. I have a sneaking suspicion that many adoptees that think in terms like, “I WAS adopted” rather than “I AM adopted,” are similar to me in this, unless they, too decide to adopt.

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