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Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about open adoption. I’ve been reading lots of blogs and am reading a couple of books on the topic. Meghann shares great information about her open adoption in her blog. This site also has a nice list of articles, discussion lists and lists of other resources on open adoption. This is a great place jumping off point into deeper research. There definitely isn’t a shortage of information out there.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot because as my husband and I move forward with our adoption journey we are talking with our agency, and with each other, about what level of openness we are comfortable with. It has been an interesting change for me – to really get into the meat of adoption from a different side of the triad. Being adopted is such a big piece of “me.” It has molded so much of who I am and what I feel and believe. Now I’m moving outside of that comfort zone and exploring issues from a different angle. Wow, it is harder than I thought! It is easy to be on one side and tell the other side what they should or should not do – but, as always, actually walking in those other shoes is harder than you’d think.
So, I’m starting at the beginning – learning the definitions and the implications, reading the research, listening to those who are currently living in an open adoption relationship. I’m starting to understand the term “open adoption” has a thousand different definitions to a thousand different people. And I’m learning that the openness of the relationship can ebb and flow over time. A consistent theme I’ve discovered is that the child is the clear benefactor an open relationship. And if challenges arise the motivation to work though the challenges is the well being of the child.
Obviously (or maybe it isn’t obvious – not sure) I am in favor of an open adoption. I believe full disclosure to an adopted child is critical (in an age appropriate manner) for healthy self image. I believe having access to one’s own birth and genetic information is a basic right. But open adoption is really so much more than this. I’m learning it is about creating and fostering a lifelong relationship between two sets of parents. It is so much more than just information. It is about family, and as all of us linked to adoption know, the definition of family can be as unique as each family.
What level of openness will we have? We don’t know since that decision is made in conjunction with the birth parent(s). What level are we open to? We are still figuring that out. When we first started this journey I would have probably leaned toward a medium level of openness. However, the more I learn, the more comfortable I feel about a fully open arrangement. Again, it is easy to talk in the abstract and I fully realize the reality will be nuanced to all the individuals involved (me, my husband, the birth family). I would like to think that my experience as an adoptee will help me make good choices on this issue.
