Adult Adoptee Blog, Adopted Adult Blog

09/24/07

My Summons

Posted by : Abby in Adoptee Blog at 10:44 am , 380 words, 136 views
Categories: Thoughts, Questions & Answers

The craziness and roller coaster ride is starting up again here. First I resent feeling summoned by my birth mother. A personal invitation would have felt better. My birth mother wants to set up a get together with me, my sister (adopted with me), herself and our half sister. With things being the way they are between me and my birth mother, makes the thought of this difficult.

Her health is starting to fail her which I assume makes her now decide to change things in some way. I do not know if I want to open myself up for more pain and disappointment. For the last 2 or 3 years my half birth sister has decided not to make contact because she feels the need to protect her mother (my birth mother). Since my birth mother cannot accept the type of relationship that my sister and I want with her.

SPONSOR

With my mom (adoptive) and older sister (mom’s biological daughter) I repeatedly hear this from my older sister, “I (meaning older sister) am all she (meaning my adoptive mom) has.” Funny, how I hear the same comment from my birth family. So really, I do not know who besides my dad that my sister and I have. I really wonder if a well meaning relationship can exist with underlying feelings like this. I keep wondering "Where does this leave me?"

With a reunion about the future, I see hope and a chance for everyone involved. If it is about the past and the long ago relationship that existed before our adoption, could have been, or should have been, then the pain will start pouring in. The past cannot be changed only accepted, but the future is what we choose to be.

Am I just opening myself up for more pain and rejection? How much pain and rejection can a person handle before saying, “To hell with it. It’s not worth it.” Part of me wants to say, “No thanks.” Then there is that part that wonders if I will live to regret not taking this part of my adoption journey.

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More reading:

Adoptee Setting Boundaries - Right or Wrong?

Reunion: Not Always Perfect

2 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: jpdakota43 [Member]

So, forget about what you think you should do for a moment. Forget about what might or might not happen later. Just ask yourself, for a moment, what do you want to do? Right now today what do you want to do?
Sometimes "for right now" is the best we can do.
Up to you, of course, but if nothing else, it could be an interesting exercise.
Best of luck.

Permalink 09/24/07 @ 18:05

Comment from: Faith Allen [Member]

· http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/

I truly believe that we get to choose who is in our lives. Each person you have in your life is an investment of your time and energy, and you only have a limited amount of time and energy to give out.

I do not believe that any one person is entitled to receive your time and attention (other than minor children, of course) just because of their relationship to you, no matter what that relationship is. If you want to pursue a relationship, then that is great, but don't feel obligated to do so. I feel this way about blood relatives who were in my life throughout my childhood, too -- this is definitely not a birth family comment.

Take care,

- Faith

Permalink 09/24/07 @ 19:29

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