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My mom (adoptive) taught me how to be a strong independent woman and that I was capable of taking care of myself. As a child, we had a pretty normal mother- daughter relationship. I have wonderful memories of my childhood. I have always been closer to my dad, but I loved my mom to pieces.
As I became an adult our relationship became a little rocky. Probably for a number of reasons that we both share the responsibility for, I am not sure when the problems began. My parents got a divorce and she thought there was no neutral. You were for or against her.
Since this event, things have been strained in our relationship. One of the problems I believe is that we view life and parenting very differently. I believe parenting is a life time position that does not end at the age of adulthood. My mom’s attitude is your have made your bed now lie in it, or you got yourself into the mess, get yourself out. When I need help with one of my children or have a problem I can call my dad and help me when I need it or talk me through things. My mom’s attitude is you have a problem to work through or a decision to be made.
I feel the opposite of her so that makes things difficult. I have learned through our struggles and heartaches that no matter what she will always be my mom and I love her with all my heart. I am learning to come to terms that we may never have a close relationship and just accept what we can be to each other. Some days are a lot harder than others when I realize things may never be the way I would like them to be. Life goes on and we have to learn to make the best of it.
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More reading:
Differences of Love with Adopted or Biological Children
Differences of Love with Adopted or Biological Children – Could it be?
You have a really nice attitude about this, Abby. Our family has had to make peace with many of these same issues. My parents have both been dead for many years, but my in-laws have always been active in our lives. Sometimes it can be a challenge, due to different expectations for the relationship. Over the years, we’ve leaned a lot on grace and mercy. We value my husbands’ parents for their positive contributions to our lives, and as grandparents to our children. We also try to learn from their mistakes, so as to not repeat them. It can be hard staying strong against a less than stellar role model.