Strange how others were able to follow, and understand the meaning of the post, but not you. As I am learning and others are saying that some people only want to see things one way. While I could go on and point out many flaws in your comment it will not help anything.

“and it is widely understood that checking on the reputation of a doctor is a good idea.”

Couldn’t this also be said about adoption agencies? But then that would mean the person held some responsibility in their decision.

I wrote these posts in response to a comment left on another of my post, not to birth mothers, not even adoption reform or you personally. You have left rude, belittling, untruthful and down right hateful comments and I have never said anything to you. This does not help your cause (birth mothers) in the slightest if anything, it cements all the negative images. I am sorry that your experience as a birth mother has left you with such anger and hostility. I hope in time you are able to find some sense of peace.

Abby

Furthermore, if you had decided to do your research, it wouldn’t have been difficult, since, as you noted, the information was out there, and it is widely understood that checking on the reputation of a doctor is a good idea. But how many of us know what to do when one is in a crisis pregnancy? Where do you learn the checklist for that situation? You seem to be saying that expectant parents “should have known” to mistrust the industry, but is it really so unreasonable for a woman seeking help to presume that adoption agencies and lawyers are benevolent and good, and that the adoption world is looking out for her interests? That’s how these groups position themselves, after all.

Another reason your story is not a true parallel is that unbiased information about surrender is not yet widespread or even consistently accurate (though that is changing for those with internet access, thanks to the power of the blog). Thanks to those like Jenna and Coley who are working hard to address the lack of solid information by interpreting laws and reporting on trends.

I’d also like to point out that those who criticize adoption are not “completely trashing” it, as you put it. I have said it before and will say it again – pointing out opportunities for reform is not the same thing as calling for abolishing the entire institution.

They’re not supposed to be pleasant, comfortable or temporary, and they are not easily shared, as the burden for bearing them can only fall where it does.

Others can sympathise, relate and commiserate, but no one should be expected to relieve or even share the weight that was earned, intentionally or not, by one.

A sure sign of responsible maturity is the willingness to carry one’s regrets and appreciate the lessons they teach, no matter the pain.

Abby