Life Choices and Accepting Responsibility

Unethical Adoption

In life we all have choices and different paths to take in life. It is up to us on which paths we choose and the choices we make in our lives. With our choices there are good and bad outcomes.

We all make choices we regret or second guess after the fact that we have made them. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was having a difficult pregnancy and moved closer to family. I found a doctor that was close to my home. I’ve never been too much of a doctor person, but thought he was okay for a doctor. I was young and inexperienced was making the best choices, so I thought.

A teen boy and a friend took his father’s car (without having a driver’s licenses) while dad was in Geneva out for a drive and during the joy ride they blew through a stop sign going about 40 mph. I was crossing over the street at the time going about 40-45 mph and was hit on my side of the car while I was three months pregnant. My car was knocked completely off the road and the car was totaled. I was taken to the hospital and was told to follow-up with my doctor.

After the accident I felt different and knew that I was carrying my daughter much lower. I talked with my doctor. He did a quick exam and told me I was fine. I explained something was every different and now I was having some pains. I was told that what I was experiencing was natural (how would some guy know what was natural) and that I would not know how things should feel since this was my first pregnancy. Within seconds this doctor made me feel stupid.

The pains continued over the next week or so I felt that something was wrong. I called the nurse, and was told again that I was fine (not sure how she could tell over the phone). My husband came home late that night (around 11:30) to find me in bed crying because I hurt and felt like my daughter was going to pop right out any time I moved. He called the doctor was told the same thing I was told earlier by his nurse. My husband would not accept that and stated that something was wrong. The doctor stated that if he felt that it was that serious that he should take me to the hospital.

My husband rushed me to the hospital were they found that my cervix was thinning and my body was preparing to go into labor. That is the reason my daughter had dropped down. Monday morning I underwent surgery to tie my cervix closed since I was only a little over three months along.

At this point with hindsight the light bulb should have went off and I should have changed doctors but I did not. This was completely my choice.

In my fifth month I was not feeling good and once again feeling things were not right. Surprise! I was told again that is was from being pregnant. I talked to him about my concern of sudden swelling on a Friday evening doctor’s appointment. You probably guessed, that it was part of being pregnant. Over the weekend, I continued to swell. By Monday morning, I could not even bend my feet to walk, nor could I wear socks or shoes. My husband took me to the doctor first thing that morning within minutes of seeing me I was admitted into the hospital with pre-eclampsia.

When I was admitted into the hospital my blood pressure was 110/142. I had trouble seeing and a headache for over a week. If I tried to move, I felt like I was going to pass out. I was placed on medications and monitored. I was then told I probably would not carry my daughter to term and she would be born premature. The goal was to buy her as much time as possible before I had to deliver.

I could always tell the nurse when I was going to have an episode and they would give me medicine to stop things. One evening I started feeling really bad and called the nurse. She gave me the medicine. In a few minutes it was not helping. The nurse checked my blood pressure and flew into a complete panic. She pushed a button and the room filled with people, all I knew is that my blood pressure was higher than when I was admitted. No one was talking to me. They were just issuing orders to each other. They had me call my husband to come to the hospital right away. They would not tell me what was happening until I refused to pop some more pills until they told me what was happening. People were padding the sides of my hospital bed with blankets and placing pillows around me in the bed. Finally they told me that I was going to go into seizures because of my blood pressure. Then they popped a few nitroglycerin tablets under my tongue and sat there and watched me. I did not have many seizures, but the hospital decided to transfer me to a hospital with a trauma pregnancy unit that also had a neo-natal unit for my daughter.

Within an hour of being transferred to a new hospital, I was being seen by a high risk doctor. He took the time to explain what was happening to me and my daughter. The short version to an already long story is that I was told that would I not be able to carry my daughter much longer or that both of us would end up dying. I was placed on all kinds of medications including anti-seizure meds. I was told that when my body started to suffer damage from the pre-eclampsia they would have no choose but to deliver her even against my wishes. The pre-eclampsia had gone on too long before being treated and you can only hope to stop it, not reverse it and that we were both in danger.

I had made somewhat peace with the fact that I was not going to make it through this but I would do anything for my daughter to have a chance. I knew that my choices could cost me my own life and my daughter’s. I went through a few more traumas in the next few days and my previous doctor would not even call my high risk doctor back during these times. Finally, my new high risk doctor explained that it would be in mine and my daughter’s best interest to sign some papers removing my old doctor, and replacing him, so that when something happened, they would not have to try to get the idiot doctor to call them back. Two days later my morning nurse came in and saw that I was in bad shape. She asked, “Why had I not called her to tell her that something was wrong.” I said, “Because you will take my baby and I am only 6 month along and I caused this.”

My organs were not functioning and were starting to shut down. Still I refused to let them take her. Finally my doctor was getting upset with me telling me that he could take her if it was to save my life because the living patient comes first….Blah, Blah… I still refused and stated that I would fight it. My doctor sat on my bed placed his hand on my leg and told me, “As your organs shut down your body will shut everything off from your daughter and she will slowly die.” I started crying, asked him, “You have to promise to put my daughter first. Save her first.” He held my hand said, “I will do my best to save you and to save your daughter, but I will promise to put your daughter’s life first. There will be plenty of people to help you both.” That was no joke, like 20 medical people in the delivery room. Within seconds of agree my bed with me on it was taken to labor and delivery. My daughter was born at 6 months, weighting 2 lbs 1 oz.

I made one bad choice after another that could have easily cost me my daughter’s life or left her motherless. Was my idiot doctor responsible? Yes, without a doubt, but if I had done my homework and a little research I would have learned that he was only able to practice medicine at one hospital, out of like twelve in the area. It was a known fact he was a crappy doctor. I hold just as much responsibility as he does. I was the one that to walked into the office to receive care for my unborn daughter knowing that he had not treated me in the past right. It was my decision to continue allowing him to care for myself and my unborn daughter.

We all hold responsibility in the choices we make in life even if we know they are wrong or we regret them later. This is why I am a firm believer in others seeking knowledge, educating themselves and not taking things at face value. To learn from my bad choice was accepting responsibility for it and understanding that it is up to me to make informed choices in life.

I do not advocate that people do not to get pregnant, or use a doctor when they do get pregnant because of my personal experience. Do your research and all the options that I’ve mentioned above. This goes back to the fact that just because someone has a bad experience with adoption, because they didn’t provide themselves with the knowledge to make a more informed decision is not a legitimate reason to completely trash adoption.

The reason I wrote this very long (sorry about that) and personal post was to share that we all make tragic life choices that we can one day end up regretting, but in the end it was our choices which we were responsible for.

More reading:

Adoption is Not a Bad Thing

Is There Room for Both?

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