Continued.....

It is kind of like now I am still dealing with this in my own way and time. At this point I do not want to talk about this openly with my family or friends. My husband learned of this by reading my blog, knows me well enough to know that I do not want to discuss it. The only thing he said to me was, “You are a great mother and I glad that you did not have this shadowing you, and making you second guess your mothering ability.” People that know me realize that I need time to find my own way in this part of my journey.

In general I think it is easier for people to hear difficult news from someone they know versus someone they are trying to get to know. Also for the adoptive parents to know the information and choose not to tell the adoptee because they did not want to be the bearer of bad news or they feel that the adoptee does not need to know the information can seem like a betrayal to the adoptee.

With saying that, I think each adoptive parent has to take into account so many things like the type of information, the age of the child, the adoptee’s personality, etc. First, only tell the adoptee the information she asks for, and just the basics. If she wants more details she will ask for them. If the adoptee is going through a turbulent time in her life, then it may not be the best time to drop difficult news on her. Also in some cases, sharing the information you have about the adoptee’s past can be done gradually instead of dropping a bomb on her.

Adoptive parents choosing when and how to tell their adoptees about the more difficult information have two variables in my opinion. In some cases adoptive parents choosing when and what to tell adoptees about difficult information is geared around when they want or choose to do it. The goal should be when the adoptee is ready and able to deal with the information.

Continued..........

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More reading:

An Adoptee Living With a Secret of The Past

Learning The Dark Secrets of The Past