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When adoptees find their birth families and things to do not work out this is a statement that they may hear a lot. While no one wants to be rejected or find a disastrous relationship it is more than that.
Knowing what I know would I do it again? Yes, I would try and have contact with my birth mother and sister even knowing that things would not work out. I made the choice to have contact for myself, not for others. I had questions that I needed answered that only my birth mother could answer.
While no adoptee searches, or goes into a reunion with the hope things will go so wrong, we need to be prepared for the possibility. Adoptees just want the chance to have access to their information, past, and birth family ties.
I will not have to live life with the what if I had not made contact with her and asked for all information that I wanted. Even if an adoptee ends up with a lot of pain and unanswered questions most would do it again. You can read more about other adoptees view on this at the adoptee forum.
There could be certain things that we would change about our reunion in the hopes that it might have a different outcome not going down the reunion road of our journey is not an option for most. Could the truth be if all parties were committed to the relationship and everyone could accept each others differences along with every ones’ needs it would work out even with the struggles?
Most likely even if you could have a “do over” in your reunion to do things differently in hopes of a building a relationship, it does not mean that there would be a different outcome. Finding peace in knowing we tried has to be enough sometimes.
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More reading:
What do Adoptees Hope to Find?
I too sarched and Birthmother agreed to have contact and before we met she decided not to. That was 20 years ago and a month ago I contacted her again due to the fact my only child (a daughter) was going to Bozeman Montana to college and my BM lives in Butte Montana so I thought maybe she would now agree to see me and her grand daughter. She agreed and again 4 days later she called me and said it had been so long now that we should let things the same as they are. Needless to say I wasn’t surprised but it was that same hurt all over again. I think what people don’t understand is that just cause we are adopted we still have a heritage. A blood line. What about that.
I am now searching for an older 1/2 sister that also was adopted in hopes she wants to connect. Knowing what I know now and the hurt I experienced would I not search. You bet I would. Thanks for your story..
Waiting in Washington..