Comments on: Is There Room for Both? http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-there-room-for-both Provides information, resources, and thoughts concerning adoptees and their journey of adoption. Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:38:41 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: maddie http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-there-room-for-both/comment-page-1#comment-664 maddie Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:22:04 +0000 http://adoptee.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/10/29/is-there-room-for-both#comment-664 My story is a little different. My birth mother died after I was born ( the 4th sibling in 1959) My bio father feel apart and his sister and her husband came and took me and i was adopted by the two most beautiful people and a brother and sister that have always been there. I would never change my name for anything. Biology does not make a parent. life is not perfect. I look just like my mother (not my birth mother) since her brother was my bio father. I knew my siblings as cousins growing up. I lived on the west coast and they lived on the east coast. when i found out i was adopted at age 36 there was a lot of turmoil not with my parents but with my biological family ie; siblings aunts etc. I moved to the east coast to spend time with them and it was the biggest mistake i ever made. they refuse to recognize my family and i cannot deal with the guilt and i even had one aunt tell me that she hated my grandfather. Great bio family that wants to get to know their niece!!! I know everyone's story is different but i will never change my name i am a product of the family that raised me loves me for who i am. When i got married i kept my family name because that is who i am. by the way my parents kept my first and middle name and i have their last. I would like to know how someone can have so much bitterness in their heart? That must be a very heavy load to carry. I hope that can find some peace. My story is a little different. My birth mother died after I was born ( the 4th sibling in 1959) My bio father feel apart and his sister and her husband came and took me and i was adopted by the two most beautiful people and a brother and sister that have always been there. I would never change my name for anything. Biology does not make a parent. life is not perfect. I look just like my mother (not my birth mother) since her brother was my bio father. I knew my siblings as cousins growing up. I lived on the west coast and they lived on the east coast. when i found out i was adopted at age 36 there was a lot of turmoil not with my parents but with my biological family ie; siblings aunts etc. I moved to the east coast to spend time with them and it was the biggest mistake i ever made. they refuse to recognize my family and i cannot deal with the guilt and i even had one aunt tell me that she hated my grandfather. Great bio family that wants to get to know their niece!!! I know everyone’s story is different but i will never change my name i am a product of the family that raised me loves me for who i am. When i got married i kept my family name because that is who i am. by the way my parents kept my first and middle name and i have their last. I would like to know how someone can have so much bitterness in their heart? That must be a very heavy load to carry. I hope that can find some peace.

]]> By: Shell http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-there-room-for-both/comment-page-1#comment-663 Shell Fri, 16 Nov 2007 04:24:51 +0000 http://adoptee.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/10/29/is-there-room-for-both#comment-663 Many adoptive parents also feel threatened by an adopted child's family. They may not express their feelings in a negative way, but children also pick up on adults fears and insecurities. Often a child knows that the expectation is that they be the daughter or son of the people raising them - this can create a false sense of self and self-image, positive or otherwise. Many adoptive parents also feel threatened by an adopted child’s family. They may not express their feelings in a negative way, but children also pick up on adults fears and insecurities. Often a child knows that the expectation is that they be the daughter or son of the people raising them – this can create a false sense of self and self-image, positive or otherwise.

]]> By: Shell http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-there-room-for-both/comment-page-1#comment-662 Shell Fri, 16 Nov 2007 04:03:23 +0000 http://adoptee.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/10/29/is-there-room-for-both#comment-662 Longing to know one's parents and from whom you inheritated your appearance, personality and so much more can also effect the way one views adoption or being adopted. All the love, understanding and respect given by a-parents does not necessarily mean an adopted person will grow up with a positive self-image.<br /> <br /> There's no way to guarantee any human being will grow up with a positive self-image. Genetics and environment are always working together, but if you're adopted in a closed adoption, understanding the genetic facets of "self" is not possible. Longing to know one’s parents and from whom you inheritated your appearance, personality and so much more can also effect the way one views adoption or being adopted. All the love, understanding and respect given by a-parents does not necessarily mean an adopted person will grow up with a positive self-image.

There’s no way to guarantee any human being will grow up with a positive self-image. Genetics and environment are always working together, but if you’re adopted in a closed adoption, understanding the genetic facets of “self” is not possible.

]]> By: patriciadischler http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-there-room-for-both/comment-page-1#comment-661 patriciadischler Thu, 15 Nov 2007 15:30:46 +0000 http://adoptee.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/10/29/is-there-room-for-both#comment-661 The range of feelings of adult adoptees is a reflect of the range of approaches to adoption by their adoptive parents. A child who is exposed to respect, understanding and love regarding being adopted gains a sense positive self-image - one they can hold on too and not feel a need to change as an adult. Children who are exposed to misconceptions, untruths and fears of their adoptive parents are left with an unstable self-image which they question as an adult. This is not to say it is intentional, most often the adoptive parents feel they are only protecting the child. But negativity is something children pick up on, and it affects them deeply. Even the most subtle signs, positive and negative, affect the child's self-image as an adult. I thank God that my son's adoptive parents passed on to him nothing but positive, respectful thoughts on who is was. The range of feelings of adult adoptees is a reflect of the range of approaches to adoption by their adoptive parents. A child who is exposed to respect, understanding and love regarding being adopted gains a sense positive self-image – one they can hold on too and not feel a need to change as an adult. Children who are exposed to misconceptions, untruths and fears of their adoptive parents are left with an unstable self-image which they question as an adult. This is not to say it is intentional, most often the adoptive parents feel they are only protecting the child. But negativity is something children pick up on, and it affects them deeply. Even the most subtle signs, positive and negative, affect the child’s self-image as an adult. I thank God that my son’s adoptive parents passed on to him nothing but positive, respectful thoughts on who is was.

]]> By: sassyadoptee http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-there-room-for-both/comment-page-1#comment-660 sassyadoptee Wed, 14 Nov 2007 20:02:51 +0000 http://adoptee.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/10/29/is-there-room-for-both#comment-660 That was my point about you!! I don't hate or hold any bitterness. I have come to terms with being adopted. That was my point about you!! I don’t hate or hold any bitterness. I have come to terms with being adopted.

]]> By: Shell http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-there-room-for-both/comment-page-1#comment-659 Shell Sun, 11 Nov 2007 23:22:28 +0000 http://adoptee.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/10/29/is-there-room-for-both#comment-659 "This is just a forum for views, opinions and ideas of adoptees."<br /> <br /> Exactly, and if one or more of those ideas doesn't fit with yours, you become full of bitterness and hostility. <br /> “This is just a forum for views, opinions and ideas of adoptees.”

Exactly, and if one or more of those ideas doesn’t fit with yours, you become full of bitterness and hostility.

]]> By: sassyadoptee http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-there-room-for-both/comment-page-1#comment-658 sassyadoptee Fri, 09 Nov 2007 17:43:40 +0000 http://adoptee.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/10/29/is-there-room-for-both#comment-658 Shell:<br /> <br /> No one is judging you, but you are missing the point. You are trying to ram your views down our throats. You might have experienced this, but you are so militant about your views that you keep so much hostility and bitterness on the surface of your life. I really think you need to deal with those issues without forcing your views down the throats of other people. No one is here trying to force their views on you. This is just a forum for views, opinions and ideas of adoptees. Shell:

No one is judging you, but you are missing the point. You are trying to ram your views down our throats. You might have experienced this, but you are so militant about your views that you keep so much hostility and bitterness on the surface of your life. I really think you need to deal with those issues without forcing your views down the throats of other people. No one is here trying to force their views on you. This is just a forum for views, opinions and ideas of adoptees.

]]> By: ttate http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-there-room-for-both/comment-page-1#comment-657 ttate Wed, 07 Nov 2007 23:44:36 +0000 http://adoptee.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/10/29/is-there-room-for-both#comment-657 I can't imagine changing my name to include my birth name, or refer to my parents as adopters. It would have devastated my parents; plus I've been married twice so my last name hasn't been my adoptive name in a long time. I do feel however, that not only can we, but we should integrate where we began with where we are now though. You cannot be whole without the entire picture. Access to our birth records is absolutely our right! <br /> I can’t imagine changing my name to include my birth name, or refer to my parents as adopters. It would have devastated my parents; plus I’ve been married twice so my last name hasn’t been my adoptive name in a long time. I do feel however, that not only can we, but we should integrate where we began with where we are now though. You cannot be whole without the entire picture. Access to our birth records is absolutely our right!

]]> By: Shell http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-there-room-for-both/comment-page-1#comment-656 Shell Sat, 03 Nov 2007 19:01:16 +0000 http://adoptee.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/10/29/is-there-room-for-both#comment-656 You obviously have no idea about the Baby Scoop Era. You have no idea about modern day coercion in adoption. <br /> <br /> And I don't believe adopters that are child molesters, murderers and neglectful should be parents either. Just because someone adopts, does not mean their are a good parent. Have you heard of Masha Allen?<br /> <br /> You may think it's disrespectful toward your adoptive parents to change your name, and that of course is your right. Nobody is judging you for not doing it, why do you care about those who do? It's nothing to do with how you live your life. You obviously have no idea about the Baby Scoop Era. You have no idea about modern day coercion in adoption.

And I don’t believe adopters that are child molesters, murderers and neglectful should be parents either. Just because someone adopts, does not mean their are a good parent. Have you heard of Masha Allen?

You may think it’s disrespectful toward your adoptive parents to change your name, and that of course is your right. Nobody is judging you for not doing it, why do you care about those who do? It’s nothing to do with how you live your life.

]]> By: sassyadoptee http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/is-there-room-for-both/comment-page-1#comment-655 sassyadoptee Sat, 03 Nov 2007 05:42:44 +0000 http://adoptee.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/10/29/is-there-room-for-both#comment-655 I am sorry, but you are deluded. I am not sure about the adoptees you have met with, but most of the ones I know weren't coerced into giving their children up. I do not believe that child molesters, parents that neglect their children, or drug addicts should be entitled to bring up their children. I believe these people have a choice to straighten up their life when they find out they are going to have children. They just didn't make the right choices, so they lost their children. <br /> <br /> Children taking the names of the people that made those wrong choices is like slapping the people that loved them and took care of them for years. I think that is SO DISRESPECTFUL!!!! I am sorry, but you are deluded. I am not sure about the adoptees you have met with, but most of the ones I know weren’t coerced into giving their children up. I do not believe that child molesters, parents that neglect their children, or drug addicts should be entitled to bring up their children. I believe these people have a choice to straighten up their life when they find out they are going to have children. They just didn’t make the right choices, so they lost their children.

Children taking the names of the people that made those wrong choices is like slapping the people that loved them and took care of them for years. I think that is SO DISRESPECTFUL!!!!

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