[Continued from HERE.]

From my point of view, the need for unhappy adoptees to believe that happy adoptees will someday be just as miserable as they are about being adopted is yet one more indicator of the “human” part of human nature. It is the same part that causes those who are quite devout in their religion to be dismissive of anyone else that is equally devout but to a different religion, or even to the same religion but in a different way. It is a fundamental element of politics and, well, fundamentalism of any kind. It is the loam from which many a war has grown … from which many more will grow. I believe it works something like this:

“I think I am right. I NEED to believe I am right. If I acknowledge that you might be right, too, then how can I be completely right? And if I am not completely right, then maybe I have to question my beliefs. If I have to question my own beliefs, what if the answers are more than I can handle? Or worse, what if the answers aren’t even there? What would I do? How scary.”

I firmly believe that the whole accusation of “denial” comes from a fear of facing not just issues with being adopted but perhaps some issues that go deeper and have more of a reflection on the character of that person. I can understand, though: going deep, trying to sort ourselves, questioning the easy-outs and major motivations in our lives is hard and painful work. Undermining other people that seem to be diametrically opposed to us is a much easier route than questioning ourselves.

Maybe looking to change the things we can, accept the things we can’t and to know the difference between the two shouldn’t just be an affirmation for people in twelve step programs, but rather a way of life for all of us.

But that’s just what I think… some of you might be in denial.