This seems to be a question that I am asked a lot. When I was first asked this several years ago, I thought it was a strange question. How could a person not know how to make a child happy and raise an adjusted person? Then, when I started thinking in detail about doing foster care and adoption, I realized why people would ask the question.

• If you are raising siblings or more than one adopted child, understand that they each have very different thoughts, ideas, emotions, issues and needs concerning being adopted.

• Never say anything negative about a child’s birth family. She may understand that her birth mother was a drug addict and abandoned her, but negative things said can be painful for the adoptee.

• Birth parents for an adoptee can be very private and another will talk about the birth parents all the time. Open the door by letting her know that she can talk to you about her birth parents. If a child does not want to talk about them, then do not push it, go with the flow.

• If the time should come that the adoptee wants to search for her birth family, be supportive and understanding. Stop and think that this can be a scary and nerve racking time for an adoptee.

• Love, love, love is the greatest thing to give. Love and treat her like you would your own biological child. For me I know without a doubt that my dad loves me no matter what mistakes or things I do in this life.

• Accept her for the person she has become and the journey she chose in life. You do not have to agree but you must accept it.

Do not fear, you will always be mom and dad, if you raised happy adjusted children. As an adoptive mother, I find myself watching my children playing outside saying a little prayer that my adopted children will always know that I truly love them and their love will always be there for me.

I do understand that this will not work with every adopted child especially with children that have suffered abuse and struggle with attachment issues.

Related post:

Can an Adoptee Grow up to be Happy?