The thought of meeting your birth mother or father can bring up so many different emotions for you deal with. You can be nervous that the visit will not be what you want, that you may say the wrong thing or that you will not be the child that your birth mother or father had pictured in their mind. You can be happy to meet the person that gave you life, and you are developing a relationship with your birth mother or father. You can be scared that your birth mother or father will not be the person that you think they are or want them to be, there will be no lasting connection or they will want more than you can give. You may feel totally different emotions at any given time or all of them at the same time.

Set the visit up at a neutral site where you will feel comfortable. A public place like a restaurant is a good choice for meeting.

Plan to do something for yourself that helps you relax before the visit. It could be getting a manicure or pedicure, shopping, going for a long walk, or read a chapter of a good book.

Realize that during the visit there will probably be some feelings of awkwardness or some uncomfortable silences. You have to find common ground that you both feel comfortable with. Your birth mother or father may not feel comfortable in the beginning talking about the details of why he or she placed you up for adoption. Your birth mother may not want to discuss your birth family right away. This does not mean in time you can not talk about these things.

Having boundaries for the visit can help. You have to decide were your boundaries are and then explain them to your birth mother or father. Do not feel guilty about having boundaries you can always change or remove as you become more comfortable with the relationship. Boundaries can keep you from having hard feelings and being placed on the defensive.

Bring pictures of yourself throughout your life and things or people that are important to you like friends, pets, your home, or husband and children if you choose. The pictures can help fill the awkward silence or when things get uncomfortable.

Remember your birth mother or father may have some of the same feelings that you are having about the first visit. Take things slow and be patient with your new relationship and allow to time to grow.