I have been asked how to respond when people or even children ask questions about an adoptee’s adoption information. Believe me, people can ask questions that some of us would never imagine asking of a stranger or acquaintance. A lot of the time it is done in front of the adoptee.

To be honest, it would depend on the question and what kind of personality you have. Some people are comfortable saying that it is none of your business while others could not do that in a million years. For me it depends on what kind of mood I am in on that day, and if the people are just trying to be nosy.

When my mom was questioned about why my birth mother gave me up for adoption, she explained that my birth mother was unable to care for me. I give the same answer when people ask me about my children. Honestly I do not believe people need to know more than that. Yes, there is probably more to your child’s past, but it is their business, not for the curious ones.

As a child I remember people talking or questioning my mom about my adoption information in front of me like I was not there. This really bothered me as a child. I think this is why I do not openly talk about being adopted to everyone (this is a whole other blog). It always seemed it was not about me, just about all the details. I do not like people talking about my children’s adoption in front of them and I change the subject quickly. I think it is rude and disrespectful to talk about an adoptee (child) while they are present. Some people like to hear horrible things.

When people learn that I adopted my children from the foster care system oh…boy do the questions come. Even my family has asked detailed questions about my children’s birth families but I will not discuss the detailed information. Questions that I have heard and how I answered (my answers are in bold):

So their parents just gave them away? They were unable to take care of them.
Were they abused? Children in foster care are not there because they had a nice life.
What kind of abuse did they suffer? That is a very personal question. My children have a right to privacy.
Do you know the parents? That is a very personal question. My children have a right to privacy.
So will the real parents ever get them back? I am the real parent and no, they are mine.
Do you think they could have been sexually abused (this one makes me mad)? That is none of your business. I did ask once if their children were abused (that shut them up fast).
What is wrong with the children? What do you think is wrong?
Do the real parents know where you live? I am the real parent and no they do not.
Are you afraid that they will kidnap them? No, they would have to kill me first (they get quiet:)) ).
Will they ever see them? That will be up to my children when they are adults.

Please share how you handle questions about your adoptee’s past, or you as the adoptee.

More reading:

Adoptees Personal Information Needing to Remain Their’s

How to Talk about the “Why” of Adoption

Adoption Good or Bad?