We never known what life will bring at each corner. I wrote about the feeling of being in a hurricane. I had started to find calmer waters and was actually starting to feel like I could get through this. I had a reader (John) leave me a comment that I really needed and that helped me see things from a different light. It did make me smile, which I needed.

With my half brother’s death and trying to come to terms with it was been very difficult. While, I imagine some people would not understand why as an adoptee I would need to grieve for a brother that I never new, lost as a young boy to a tragic death. Maybe it is because I feel cheated out of a brother that I dreamed of having as a little girl, or that I wanted that connection. I think part of it keeps going back to if he was given the chance at a better life as I was and he could still be alive. I allow myself to go there occasionally thinking of him while trying to work through my grief. Within me I have a little box that I place things in and take them out to deal with so I do not become consumed with it. I do it in small doses and then I place back in the box and tuck it away deep inside for another day.

I hope to get the point of when I think of my brother that I do not feel like crying. I think one of the things that make it harder is because I do not know anything about him since my birth family will not share their memories of him. This leaves me with only his horrible death to think of.

My birth mother was supposed to call me to arrange a time to possibly meet since she has never called me before, I do not see that happening. So, as of now, I guess that will be on the back burner until my sister contacts her again after the holiday when she has some free time.

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