A large majority of foster care adoptions do not have ongoing contact with the birth families. It could be because of the reasons talked about in Foster Care Adoptees: Myths. It could also be because the adoptees cannot deal with the trauma that comes with the contact with their birth families.

It is different in each case and what may work for someone, will not work for the next person. One child that we have adopted through foster care has never had birth parent involvement after their rights were terminated. They never showed up for four scheduled good-bye visits (a six hour drive for me:().

My other two adopted children's birth father had contact through letters and pictures from me. The agreement that was made between the state, us and the birth father was that we would have letters and pictures exchanged four times yearly. If he did not make contact for a year then the agreement would be null and void and we would no longer have to maintain a post office box. He stayed in contact for a year and then not a word and letters were returned.

I asked both of my children’s birth family to write their child a letter from them along with pictures of family and pictures of the children, that I would give to them when they got older. Neither of the birth parents did this. I know of other foster parents that have tried the same thing and a lot of birth parents could care less to be even concerned with it.

A few older foster care adoptees have requested to change their names when they are adopted. A lot of foster adoptees do have their names changed when they are adopted. Most keep one birth name and the adoptive parents add their name to the child's along with their last name as I did.

So the reality is that foster care adoption in itself is not different to other adoptions. Foster adoption is no less traumatic than any other. In reality it probably comes with more issues.


More reading:

Delaware Toddler Abandoned in Parking Lot

Not all Biological Parents Deserve Additional Help