Differences as Adoptee and Adoptive Mom with Conversations

As an adoptee, the second area is how I tend to be. Why? Maybe it was something to do with the society’s view towards adoptees: Something has to be wrong with them for their own mother not to want or love them. With adoption will come a whole host of mental problems facing the adoptees. Adoptees tend to be messed up people. Etc. The truth is that you cannot have a conversation with someone that looks down on you, that believes or acts like you are so unworthy, and have that person to hear what you are really saying.

In some cases you may not be the person that can teach that person about the truth of adoption. I have found that people listen more from an adoptee about birth and adoptive parents than adoption. Kind of strange huh….?

Now as an adoptive mom I am the first without a doubt. If someone questions anything concerning my adopted children I am up and ready to defend. It can be a question as simple as why did you adopt. To the more complicated questions about my children’s birth parents. I respond quick, blunt and to the point without second thought. I can quite easily set a person straight about the adoption thoughts or comments. If they choose to keep it going while being rude I can shut them up really fast and get my point across.

As an adoptee I cannot imagine myself responding this way in a million years. My nature is not quiet and distant at all but I do find myself there as an adoptee. Why is it so different? As mothers we feel like we need to defend at all cost. As for other triad members maybe a part of what society says about us impacts our voices to defend ourselves and that we are feeling dismissed.

I find myself educating people more about adoption from the advantage point of an adoptive mother than adoptee. People seem more responsive to hear from the adoptive mother and then opening up from the adoptee view.

Why do some people feel comfortable with learning about adoption from adoptive parents than other members of the adoption triad? Why is there a differences (talking with people) for members of the adoption triad or is there a difference?

More reading:

How to Handle Questions about an Adoptee’s Past

Adoptees Personal Information Needing to Remain Their’s