Adoptee Blog
- Adoption Blogs >
- Adoptee Blog >
- Can an Adoptee Grow up to be Happy?
05/22/07
Can an Adoptee Grow up to be Happy?
Posted by : Abby in Adoptee Blog at 07:57 pm , 405 words, 277 views
Categories: Our Families, Us, the Adoptees
Categories: Our Families, Us, the Adoptees
When some adoptees start to talk about being adopted, the first things that come up are the differences, challenges, and issues that they have dealt with or are working on. When you start talking about a happy childhood, memories, and the joy that you have experienced being adopted, that generally falls under a happy childhood and not usually associated with being adopted.
This has been a big struggle for me on writing as an adoptee, since I tend to write about the struggles and issues that some adoptees may face along their adoption journey. There is great joy and happiness that can be found in adoption. I would not trade being adopted for anything.
As an adoptee, I had a normal happy childhood. I have wonderful childhood memories of my mom coming to my school plays, my dad watching me play basketball and volleyball, spending time in the summer with my grandma, my dad teaching me about animals, my mom trying to teach me to sew and so many more memories.
My best memory is my sixth or seventh birthday. We were right in the middle of a snow and ice storm that lasted for about a week. My big day came; my mom made a cake but they were unable to get me a present because of the storm. I was quite upset, so they decided we would inch our way into town to get my birthday present. The only store open was a dime store. My parents told me I could have anything in the store I wanted. After a lot of time I decide on a purple doll figurine, that was my favorite birthday gift as a child. I still have her today.
SPONSOR
The point to all of this is that for an adoptee; it is about family and memories, not about being adopted. The life experiences and joys you share as a family is what binds relationships and love.
Just because you may not hear all about adoptees being happily adjusted people does not mean that they are not out there. I can promise that there are plenty of happy adoptees, and yes, we may even had some dysfunction in our families just as the rest of the world does.
Adoptee can be happy without a doubt, if they are blessed to have a great adoptive family.
Related articles at adoption.com:
Being Grateful To Two Moms
My Life After Adoption
This has been a big struggle for me on writing as an adoptee, since I tend to write about the struggles and issues that some adoptees may face along their adoption journey. There is great joy and happiness that can be found in adoption. I would not trade being adopted for anything.
As an adoptee, I had a normal happy childhood. I have wonderful childhood memories of my mom coming to my school plays, my dad watching me play basketball and volleyball, spending time in the summer with my grandma, my dad teaching me about animals, my mom trying to teach me to sew and so many more memories.
My best memory is my sixth or seventh birthday. We were right in the middle of a snow and ice storm that lasted for about a week. My big day came; my mom made a cake but they were unable to get me a present because of the storm. I was quite upset, so they decided we would inch our way into town to get my birthday present. The only store open was a dime store. My parents told me I could have anything in the store I wanted. After a lot of time I decide on a purple doll figurine, that was my favorite birthday gift as a child. I still have her today.
SPONSOR
The point to all of this is that for an adoptee; it is about family and memories, not about being adopted. The life experiences and joys you share as a family is what binds relationships and love.
Just because you may not hear all about adoptees being happily adjusted people does not mean that they are not out there. I can promise that there are plenty of happy adoptees, and yes, we may even had some dysfunction in our families just as the rest of the world does.
Adoptee can be happy without a doubt, if they are blessed to have a great adoptive family.
Related articles at adoption.com:
Being Grateful To Two Moms
My Life After Adoption
Comments, Pingbacks:
Comment from: BEACHLADY [Member] 
Thank you!!!
I fully believe it is about relationships and the things you share as family.
I am learning that some things just do not matter but the time we spend together is important!
I fully believe it is about relationships and the things you share as family.
I am learning that some things just do not matter but the time we spend together is important!
Permalink
05/23/07 @ 07:17
Comment from: Mo [Member] · http://korea.adoptionblogs.com/
· http://korea.adoptionblogs.com/
I'm with you. I've always been happy with my adoption. I hope my son feels the same way.
Permalink
05/23/07 @ 12:33
Comment from: Shell [Member]
Abby, I also have great childhood memories....but I don't attribute them to adoption. It's just the way it is - I may have had a wonderful childhood with my mother, father and family - I will never know.
With that said, I still am angry (or whatever word you want to use) at the system that separated me from my family and changed my identity - this is not okay. Does this mean I am walking around town with a sawed-off shotgun ready to shoot anyone who gives me a sideways glance? Nope. I travel, have friends love life and deal with adoption issues as they appear.
I find your thinking too black and white - what exactly does "unhappy adoptee" mean?
Someone who doesn't promote adoption, or is more focused on family preservation and ridding the world of unecessary adoptions? I am confused about the difference between a happy adoptee vs an angry adoptee. Is an adoptee who searches for their family considered an unhappy adoptee? I'd say there's a good possibility they are unhappy about certain aspects of being adopted, but certianly not an entirely unhappy person. Just as an adoptee who is considered happy, does not mean they are not dealing with adoption issues.
It's okay to be adopted and not like adoption - regarldless of who adopted you.
With that said, I still am angry (or whatever word you want to use) at the system that separated me from my family and changed my identity - this is not okay. Does this mean I am walking around town with a sawed-off shotgun ready to shoot anyone who gives me a sideways glance? Nope. I travel, have friends love life and deal with adoption issues as they appear.
I find your thinking too black and white - what exactly does "unhappy adoptee" mean?
Someone who doesn't promote adoption, or is more focused on family preservation and ridding the world of unecessary adoptions? I am confused about the difference between a happy adoptee vs an angry adoptee. Is an adoptee who searches for their family considered an unhappy adoptee? I'd say there's a good possibility they are unhappy about certain aspects of being adopted, but certianly not an entirely unhappy person. Just as an adoptee who is considered happy, does not mean they are not dealing with adoption issues.
It's okay to be adopted and not like adoption - regarldless of who adopted you.
Permalink
06/12/07 @ 05:59
Comment from: Abby [Member] · http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com
· http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com
Ernest
Thanks:)
Abby
Thanks:)
Abby
Permalink
06/13/07 @ 00:20
Comment from: Abby [Member] · http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com
· http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com
beachlady,
You are very welcome. I am with you are the family thing.
Abby
You are very welcome. I am with you are the family thing.
Abby
Permalink
06/13/07 @ 00:22
Comment from: Abby [Member] · http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com
· http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com
Shell,
It is funny how the good things in childhood is not about being adopted but everything negative comes from adoption for some.
Unhappy adoptee is a person that will not allow another adoptee to be happy or share the joy of being adopted. That adoption has made an adoptee a very anger person that cannot working what has happened.
An adoptee searching for their birth parent has nothing to do with being happy or unhappy.
You are anyone else can choose to be against adoption just as other can think it is a blessing.
Good luck with the Family Preservation campaign. I do not feel this is the answer for all adoptions.
Abby
It is funny how the good things in childhood is not about being adopted but everything negative comes from adoption for some.
Unhappy adoptee is a person that will not allow another adoptee to be happy or share the joy of being adopted. That adoption has made an adoptee a very anger person that cannot working what has happened.
An adoptee searching for their birth parent has nothing to do with being happy or unhappy.
You are anyone else can choose to be against adoption just as other can think it is a blessing.
Good luck with the Family Preservation campaign. I do not feel this is the answer for all adoptions.
Abby
Permalink
06/13/07 @ 00:35
Comment from: Shell [Member]
"Unhappy adoptee is a person that will not allow another adoptee to be happy or share the joy of being adopted. That adoption has made an adoptee a very anger person that cannot working what has happened."
Oh, I don't know any pro-family preservation adoptees who do this. If they are challenged about not liking adoption (which happens frequently) by pro-adoption adoptees, I see the battle begin.
Family preservation means preserving a person's family and heritage. Not all children can remain with their families - this is reality - however, laws that allow children to lose thir identity and family are not necessary. A lot of the confusion/anger/angst starts when a child is expected to become the daughter or son of strangers.
I think the message that adoption can work for some is a bit vague - adoption equals loss, so perhaps it's about how well a person copes or adjusts to losing a family, and how the people who are rasing that child understand the importance of connecting that child with their people and culture (that a child can't simply become the son or daughter of strangers by leaving their own family behind).
Oh, I don't know any pro-family preservation adoptees who do this. If they are challenged about not liking adoption (which happens frequently) by pro-adoption adoptees, I see the battle begin.
Family preservation means preserving a person's family and heritage. Not all children can remain with their families - this is reality - however, laws that allow children to lose thir identity and family are not necessary. A lot of the confusion/anger/angst starts when a child is expected to become the daughter or son of strangers.
I think the message that adoption can work for some is a bit vague - adoption equals loss, so perhaps it's about how well a person copes or adjusts to losing a family, and how the people who are rasing that child understand the importance of connecting that child with their people and culture (that a child can't simply become the son or daughter of strangers by leaving their own family behind).
Permalink
06/13/07 @ 04:42
Comment from: Shell [Member]
"It is funny how the good things in childhood is not about being adopted but everything negative comes from adoption for some."
No, you wrote about the positive childhood experience and I responded to that statement. Sure, my life could have been bad with my mother - I will never know was the point.
Childhood, for most, is good. For me it was when I got older that the problems started. I questioned who I was, where my mother and father were, why I was adopted etc. No one would give me the answers I wanted (needed). That's how adoption impacted me - it wasn't really about the people raising me - rather the practice of adoption, the laws, secrets and expectations. Adoption effects everyone in one way or another.
No, you wrote about the positive childhood experience and I responded to that statement. Sure, my life could have been bad with my mother - I will never know was the point.
Childhood, for most, is good. For me it was when I got older that the problems started. I questioned who I was, where my mother and father were, why I was adopted etc. No one would give me the answers I wanted (needed). That's how adoption impacted me - it wasn't really about the people raising me - rather the practice of adoption, the laws, secrets and expectations. Adoption effects everyone in one way or another.
Permalink
06/13/07 @ 04:47
Comment from: Abby [Member] · http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com
· http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com
Shell,
I know what family preservation is and all about. Family preservation movement is against adoption as a whole. When children cannot return home guardianship is what they want instead of adoption.
I do not think the message about adoption working is vague at all, it is something that you personally do not support. Which is your right. I have the right to support adoption as a person, adoptee, adoptive mother and foster mom.
Abby
I know what family preservation is and all about. Family preservation movement is against adoption as a whole. When children cannot return home guardianship is what they want instead of adoption.
I do not think the message about adoption working is vague at all, it is something that you personally do not support. Which is your right. I have the right to support adoption as a person, adoptee, adoptive mother and foster mom.
Abby
Permalink
06/13/07 @ 08:47
Comment from: Shell [Member]
You don't support families staying together? Or somewhere in between? Why is it one or the other?
Permalink
06/13/07 @ 17:08
Comment from: Abby [Member] · http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com
· http://adoptee.adoptionblogs.com
Shell,
Supporting families staying together when possible is totally different than supporting "the family preservation" movement.It is not cut and dry as some would like it to seem.
Adoption is not a bad thing nor are adoptive parents (or as you call us adopters).
Abby
Supporting families staying together when possible is totally different than supporting "the family preservation" movement.It is not cut and dry as some would like it to seem.
Adoption is not a bad thing nor are adoptive parents (or as you call us adopters).
Abby
Permalink
06/13/07 @ 17:52
Comment from: Shell [Member]
Supporting families staying together when possible is totally different than supporting "the family preservation" movement.
What's different about it?
What's different about it?
Permalink
06/14/07 @ 04:29
Login To AdoptionBlogs.com
Search
Sponsors
Related Discussions
Related Sites
Our Blogs
- Editor's Blog
- Adoptee
- Adopting a Sibling
- Adoption News
- Adoption Search
- Adoptive Parenting
- Africa Adoption
- Birth-First Parent
- China Adoption
- Christian Adoption
- Crisis Pregnancy
- Ethiopia Adoption
- Foster Adoption
- Foster Care
- Guatemala Adoption
- Haiti Adoption
- Hoping to Adopt
- International Adoption
- Jewish Adoption
- Kazakhstan Adoption
- Korea Adoption
- LDS Adoption
- Older Child Adoption
- Older Parent Adoption
- Open Adoption
- Parenting Children with Special Needs
- Reactive Attachment Disorder
- Russia Adoption
- Stepparent Adoption
- Transracial/Transcultural Adoption
- Ukraine Adoption
- Viet Nam Adoption
Our Bloggers
Misc
Who's Online?
- Guest Users: 85
adoptions |
adopting.org |
adoption.org |
adoption wiki |
reunite |
parent profiles
Adoption Media, LLC 1995-2007. This site should not substitute personal professional, legal or medical advice. The accuracy and personal applicability of this information is not guaranteed. By using it you agree to the terms of service, including jurisdiction and limitation of liability provisions.