Actually this isn’t true. I hear this sort of language all the time, and worse. For example, I personally have been called a breeder, a slut, a heartless woman who threw my baby away, a “birth lady,” (?!?) a womb, a mistake, an ignorant person who deserved what she got, etc., etc., etc. All of this came from adoptive parents and adoptees. So it simply isn’t accurate to say that only one side of the triad is dishing it out.

I personally have never called an adoptive parent an adopter, because I understand that it’s a hurtful term.

“The whole foundation of adoption is about the adoptee having a better life or something that the birth parents feel they were unable to offer the adoptee. “

Yes, that SHOULD be the foundation of adoption, but the problem is that too often it is not. You are hearing the voices of people who are deeply disappointed when they discover that in many adoptions, including their own, this foundation was never in place.