e-mail
There is always ongoing talk of the much needed adoption reform which I do agree that there needs to be some changes. But how can reform begin when people involved in adoption cannot even work together. To see the big overall pictures seems impossible at times for a lot people involved in adoption.
When I started here I learned that there were sides, a line in the sand that divided the adoption community. I was quickly placed on the side of the adoptive parents I guess because I could understand most of their issues. I now realize that what divides people involved with adoption is much bigger than a line in the sand more like huge ravine that seems to grow wider and deeper every day.
So how can we even begin to address these needs when we cannot even see or hear the other people involved with adoption? Sometimes when I read or hear people talk about adoption it is more about them personally instead of the adoptee. The whole foundation of adoption is about the adoptee having a better life or something that the birth parents feel they were unable to offer the adoptee. When I see someone refer to adoptive parents as adopters grates on my nerves. It is completely disrespectful to adoptive parents. We do not refer to birth mothers as birthers, birth fathers as sperm donors, adoptees as unwanted, etc but it is okay to refer to adoptive parents as adopters.
We get so caught up in our place in the adoption circle. Needing to find new titles to cement our place, a sense of need to establish our importance seems to be the important issue. At times is seems to be more about the decorative look of adoption than the core issues that needs to be addressed to work towards reform.
Continued……
“We do not refer to birth mothers as birthers, birth fathers as sperm donors, adoptees as unwanted, etc”
Actually this isn’t true. I hear this sort of language all the time, and worse. For example, I personally have been called a breeder, a slut, a heartless woman who threw my baby away, a “birth lady,” (?!?) a womb, a mistake, an ignorant person who deserved what she got, etc., etc., etc. All of this came from adoptive parents and adoptees. So it simply isn’t accurate to say that only one side of the triad is dishing it out.
I personally have never called an adoptive parent an adopter, because I understand that it’s a hurtful term.
“The whole foundation of adoption is about the adoptee having a better life or something that the birth parents feel they were unable to offer the adoptee. “
Yes, that SHOULD be the foundation of adoption, but the problem is that too often it is not. You are hearing the voices of people who are deeply disappointed when they discover that in many adoptions, including their own, this foundation was never in place.