There are so many things in life that we have to face that we want to run away from. To face the things we cannot change and try to make sense of them can leave you at a complete loss. Sometimes we find ourselves hoping against all hope that things will change even if we know the chance of that happening is very small.

There are some things that are so truly painful that we choose not to see things as they are. Causing some of us to ignore and refuse to see the truth because the truth is too ugly. The truth is like having the air crushed out of you. I finally have been forced to go down this road and oh…how I want to run the other direction.

At this time I am going through a very difficult time in my adoption journey. This will lead me down roads I have spent a lifetime trying to avoid. I have chosen to share this ongoing part of my adoption journey on this blog which will be a continuing series.

During my time here I have always shared what an important part of life my dad (adoptive) is. He always tends to pop up in my writing. I still rely on his thoughts, opinions and support as my dad. Some may have wondered why I do not write much about my mom (adoptive). The truth is that we have had a very difficult relationship for over fifteen years. I always thought things would work themselves out and we could have a mother-daughter relationship. After so many years, you would probably think I would start to realize that I was wishing for something that would never happen. The truth is that I have longed for my mom to be part of my life and to know my children. I guess that little girl in me could not give up the idea of having a mom.

This week I have been slapped in the face with the knowledge that my mom does not want anything to do with me. This has sent me spiraling into enormous pain and grief leaving me feeling so, so alone in the middle of an ocean of grief. This has left me to wonder if I am going to spend my life treading water in my ocean of grief. I have found something that is so big, that I cannot put it away in my little box and deal with it the best that I can. I am sharing this for a couple of reasons it helps to some small point to write about it and also I know that some adoptees struggle with their relationships with their adoptive parents.

For information/instructions on how to subscribe FREE to your favorite AdoptionBlogs, please visit this link.