The thought of parenthood can seem overwhelming to some adoptees. I have known adoptees who did not want to have children. The thought of what kind of parent they would be played a part in the choice. Feeling unable to bond with others, the thought that he or she would be an unfit parent, feelings about his or her past abandonment issues and other thoughts can make one question their ability to be a parent.

On the other hand, some adoptees cannot wait to be parents and feel that they will be great parents. This does not mean parenthood may not bring up some thoughts and feelings about being adopted.

Why do adoptees have such extreme feelings on parenthood? How one was raised in a loving, safe and happy home may have an impact on how one would feel about becoming a parent. If one accepts adoption, and has good adoptive parents, it can give one the belief, and example that one could be a great parent.

Sometimes one continues to carry the issues of being adopted with oneself through life, or one may have dealt with adoptive parents that did not provide him or her with what a child needs in life to feel safe, secure and loved. Dealing with both of these issues can surely cause one to think about that makes a good parent and questions whether he or she can be one.

Personally, I have a hard time totally understanding why an adoptee can clearly say he or she does not want to be an parent because of his or her past. I have known a couple of people that have felt this way from an early age (late teens). They did have a troubled adoptive experience and had issues with their thoughts of their birth family. This was just the opposite about how I felt, but parenthood did bring up emotions that I had to deal with.



Sharing Her Grief Story