The past and our beginnings do not define who we are, or the life we live. These things are a part of us but how much is up to us.

Could I be the birth child of a child predator? I hear this echoing through my head from time to time when I allow myself to go there. What does this have to do with me? How does this impact me and the person I am? How could this be? Was I born of a monster? Is he in me somewhere inside I don’t know about?

Time and time you hear that genetics are the basis of everything for a child. Nature rules over the nurture. What does this condemn me to? Do I have no hope? Is this same monster somewhere in me?

This is a deep dark secret that I have hidden away in me that I have not shared with one person in my life. My husband will learn of this by reading this blog. I haven’t lied to anyone about my past. I have only known this information for a few years since contact with my birth mother. How can I talk about something that makes me sick to my stomach just thinking of it? How can I talk with anyone else about it when I am still trying to come to terms with it myself?

While some people will say it is because I am not dealing with it. Maybe there is some truth in that but I know it is something that I have to come to terms with in my own way and at the pace that I need. It may be something that I deal with from time to time throughout my life. I know that this is something much bigger to work through than just dealing with it and moving on.

Continued............

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