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We must realize that adoption is not a clearly painted picture. The reality is that there are several different pictures of adoption and the issues or reasons are not always cut and dry. One major thing is that some people do not stop and realize what kind of lives some adoptees would have faced without being adopted.
Yes, I do understand the some birth mothers have given up a child and then get to a point that they could have parented the child. There are also birth mothers that do not fit into that category. It could be because of their choices in life or things that are beyond their control.
There are older children, sibling groups and children fighting serious illnesses that are being adopted. Yes, there are more children that are waiting and hoping that they will find a family to call their own.
A mother spent her Fourth of July opening her arms to a 3 year old toddler with HIV. He will join a family with a total of nine adopted children. She is the founder to Chances by Choice that works towards children with AIDS or HIV finding adoptive homes.
This toddler got a chance at a life because of A-Hope orphanage where all the children living there have lost their parents to AIDS and they are HIV positive. At one time there was not much hope for these children at the orphanage. Before, when a child came in, the cost of a funeral was in the budget. Now, the money is going to drugs to fight HIV and to give these children a chance to find an adoptive family.
No child deserves to go without a family whether they are born in the United States or born overseas. Does it really matter what caused these children to need a family? Should death of parents, poverty, serious illnesses, abandonment, abuse, or a parent choosing not to be a parent to their child or children be somehow a ranking on what makes a child more worthy to be adopted?
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Amen.
The only thing I take issue with is this:
“Yes, I do understand the some birth mothers have given up a child and then get to a point that they could have parented the child. “
It’s not that they *get to a point* where they could have parented. It’s that they were already at that point, but people were so anxious to make a baby available for adoption that this was disregarded.
Those are the adoptions that are unethical.
Heather, I have to disagree, there are very headstrong women in the world who are convinced of their own mind they aren’t in a place to parent. These people do exist. abby even said, “We must realize that adoption is not a clearly painted picture. The reality is that there are several different pictures of adoption and the issues or reasons are not always cut and dry.”
The instance of which you refer is perfectly tangible and yes, unethical, but your tone seems to paint that Abby said something quite different.
Life changes, everyone in this world is entitled to “get to a point” where something clicks and their lives change good and bad. To deny ANYBODY that freedom, that moment of epiphany lends to a dangerous road of self-destruction.
“Yes, I do understand the some birth mothers have given up a child and then get to a point that they could have parented the child. “
As Abby pointed out, all adoptions are different. However, Heather and Abby are both right. There are some instances that a women may not believe she can parent, but later decides that she can.
However, there are also instances that a woman could have parented, but was discouraged from doing so because her baby was a valuable commodity.
Heather never implied that we should deny a person the right to relinquish.
Hi Emory77,
I’m not sure you understood my point. I know there are women who believe (of their own volition) that parenting is not right for them. One of my best birthmom friends felt that way. No one pressured her into her decision – it was hers.
Yes, everyone is entitled to get to “that point.” What I was trying to express is that there are plenty of women who relinquish whose lives are already very much in order. Abby’s words seemed to imply that anyone who would relinquish needs time to “get their act together.” And that just isn’t true.
Thanks,
Heather
Thank you for this post. It has helped me with another line of possibilities to pursue for adoption that I hadn’t considered. Since the conventional way is out, new directions are always welcome!