Adoption and the Life Effect to Adoptees

Adoption does impact every part of an adoptees’ life, which I totally believe and understand. That does not mean adoption is the magnet for all that goes wrong in life. There are plenty of people that have the same issues and problems that adoptees have. What is the reason for their problems?

I find it so strange when people relate things that happen in my life to being adopted when I do not see it that way in the slightest. This can lead us to wonder do some adoptees really believe that most of the things that have gone wrong in their lives or issues that they are dealing stems from being adopted. Could it have something to do with society telling us it is so? When people hear things often enough it becomes easier and easier to believe.

One of my life mistakes was like many others have made. I married when I was 18 years old to a person I thought I knew. I saw what this person wanted me to see, not who he really was. Truthfully I knew within a couple of months that he was not the person I thought he was, but I was already married so I tried to make it work. After ending up overseas completely away from my family and things going to bad to worse I knew I had made a huge mistake. Long story short, I was separated within two years and spent a couple of more years trying to figures things out (with being young and stupid, it was not easy). During this time I found out that my then husband had a second family with five children and another on the way that I did not know a thing about.

When people make reference to my bad (okay, horrible) first marriage and my being adopted that there is some connection between the two. “You were looking for that missing connection since you were adopted.” “You have relationship issues because of feeling abandoned.” “You choose someone unavailable because you have unresolved issues.” These are a few things I have heard from people maybe not worded as above but more or less the same meaning.

It took me awhile to understand that I was no more messed up than the person not adopted. I was just young, trusting, and stupid. This really does not have a thing to do with being adopted. I was no different than most young adults that wanted to start their life. I was just one of the ones that made a bad choice.

At this point in my life I realized that it was about my choices, and being adopted was just part of me, not the reasons for the problems or mistakes. We all have to assume responsibility for our choices in life and learn from them. Looking for an event or a person to blame our choices and issues on is not going to help work through any issues we may have.

I am not in anyway making light of adoptees dealing with some issues that they may face. It is concerning when adoptees place adoption as the catch all for their situations. The big question should be does most of the problems and challenges we face isolated to adoptees only?

More reading:

Adoption Good or Bad?

The Line in the Sand