Facing the Truth in Adoption

I always thought a parent’s love for a child and their relationship should withstand almost anything. I think I will always long for the love of my mom, but I now have to face the fact that it was never there. My mom had a life changing event in her life, moved back home without leaving a forwarding phone number or address for me or my sister. I got the pleasure of finding out everything from my sister (birth daughter) who was reluctant to tell me anything, but that mom was okay, and did not want anything to do with us.

This shattered my hope and forced me to look at the truth of my life and adoption. Also, along the way, this made me realize that some people only care about themselves, and not the people in their family, or even sister. This has left me deeply wounded …feeling like…I cannot seem to put into words the pain I feel.

During one of my mom’s health crisis about seven years ago my sister (birth daughter) said, “I cannot lose mom she is all I have and I am all she has in this world.” While I had felt and in around about ways realized she felt this way to say it to my face was a complete shock. After asking her what she meant she said she was sorry and that I misunderstood what she said.

When I tried to talk with my mother about this she would side step the issues. Now, I realize she did not want to go there because she felt the same way. The funny thing is that I told my sister (birth daughter) the other day that if I had listened to the above statement I probably would have seen the writing on the wall before now and saved myself a lot of pain. Her respond was, “Yeah probably so.”

The truth is that in my wishful thinking, my hope for a mother’s love is gone, crushed in a matter of a few words. Leaving me to face that in her heart I never was her daughter….oh, how could this be.

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More reading:

Being Adopted When Things Go Wrong

An Adoptee’s Four Things About Adoption