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Adoption, its self, is being attacked through sly tactics and without people stating their entire agenda. Adoptive parents are being targeted because they have chosen to adopt a child. Adoptees are being shamed and ridiculed when they support adoption.
How many of us have been blessed with a family through adoption whether you are an adoptee or adoptive parent? This is an individual choice for people to make (which I respect anyone’s decision), some people feel comfortable standing up fighting for our and our children’s rights.
I do not think anyone involved in adoption is blinded to some changes that need to happen in adoption. Here is the problem, people, authors and groups are making one or two general statements about adoption changes or problems and then some are jumping on their cause. Without looking at the hidden agendas and what other aspects of adoption are they looking to change or do away with altogether? Before you decide to support anyone, you need to look beyond their world saving statements and get to the nitty gritty purpose of their cause or movement.
Family preservation can sound like a truly wonderful thing. Who would not support a family unit being preserved? The sound and idea looks so appealing. This is the sweet cuddly bunny to draw you into their movement without you knowing what the true goals or motives are.
I have received some flack about writing in support of adoption from an adoptee’s side. Below is a quote about family preservation (my opinion, a warped spin on it) from a comment from “Can an Adoptee Grow up to be Happy”?
“Family preservation means preserving a person’s family and heritage. Not all children can remain with their families – this is reality – however, laws that allow children to lose their identity and family are not necessary. A lot of the confusion/anger/angst starts when a child is expected to become the daughter or son of strangers.”
The truth is that this movement has hidden agendas. They are anti adoption and look for guardianship when needed with the birth families retaining all rights. They also want to do away with the adoption tax credit. These things greatly affect people involved with adoption. If you choose to be involved with a movement know what rights or beliefs you may be giving up.
Their view on adoption and children:
“Every child born has an inalienable right to remain with the mother and/or father who conceived and/or bore him/her, as well as to know any other genetic/DNA contributors.”
“Relinquishment of children to a new set of parents, as a final, irrevocable act, severing all rights of the birthparents, must be discontinued”
Their view on guardianship:
“Permanent guardianship would retain and acknowledge a child’s true kinship relationships while providing permanent care. There should be no pretending that the guardians who care for and love a child are the “real parents.” They are not parents. It would be understood that the child has parents but the guardians are responsible for raising the child. Children have no trouble understanding this.”
A Quiet Revolution is Underway is a statement from the Family preservation web site. Beware, you may be getting involved with a war against adoption and not even realize it. Sorry, but the secret is out about the Quiet Revolution. The truth is out and the battle has begun for adoption and children waiting to be adopted.
This Revolution that is be waged is not only against adoption. They are attacking pro-choice and religious organizations in their movement.
Their view on others:
“Pro-life organizations can be known by whatever family-orientated, all-American sounding names and their adoption agencies can be called cutesy “baby saving” and “hope-filled” names…they may even invoke the name of, or believe that they are doing the work of, God…. but their tactics are all counter to true Family Preservation as spelled out in the constitution of the United States which protects parental rights;”
“While some of the flock may in fact adopt children from foster care —replacing abuse in the name of Satan from their original parents with abuse in the name of God—concern for orphaned and abandoned children is a smoke screen, or at best unclear. Their agenda is mired with using adoption as a tool against abortion, against single parenthood, and for evangelism.”
Know what side you are supporting before you find yourself a casualty of their Revolution. If you want to get involved in a movement concerning adoption do some investigation and know all of their agendas before it is too late. Do not take a few statements at face value, do your homework.
Related reading:
“Their view on others”
Where are you getting all this stuff? “from THE Family preservation web site.” There is more than one- please do not lump them all together. It is no more fair to lump all those in favor of family preservation together, than it is to say that all adoptees are exactly alike.
That stuff that you are quoting from does not sound anything like I believe, or many other family preservationists.
You keep saying “they” like every group or person is the same. That is not true. Not even all members of a group feel the same way. Some people who believe in family preservation have hidden agendas; others do not.
It sounds very familiar to me, Abby.
Yes, there is a “they” and they’re out to make a world where there would be no “us” … us being adoptive parents, of course.
“They” can be pretty darned nasty and underhanded, as well, as seen it the onslaught and subterfuge on the International Blog recently.
Oh, for God’s sake.
Everyone in every corner – birthparents included – feels like their position is under attack. And it isn’t limited to adoption – Republicans feel like Democrats are taking over the world. Democrats feel like Republicans are the majority. And on and on an on…
Adoption isn’t going anywhere. Your position of supporting adoption is quite safe. The majority of society does support adoption. I’ll be doing a post with facts and figures soon.
I do agree with Heather. As much as I get frustrated with the comments made about adoption, the reality is that I do not for a minute believe adoption is going away.
Jan, I do think there are people who will hijack a movement. We have had several newspaper accounts of anti-abortion activists who detained people, harassed people and who got in the faces of a PRO LIFE FAMILY – SHE wrote about it to the paper, completely appalled that a position she SUPPORTED had been so completely warped by a few extremists. I think what Abby is saying is do your research (just like adoptive parents MUST do their research), and be careful about where and in who you put your trust. BTW – I have heard EVERYONE in the triad say this!
I must admit that I often forget that not everyone believes in ethical behavior (yea, ok, duh some of you might think, but I genuinely believe that the majority of people are good, caring people, and I do get surprised when people behave unethically).
That said, I think it is so important that we all continue to stand up for what we believe in AND to counter those beliefs that are so extreme as to be damaging to any SIDE – if there must be SIDES in adoption, which I so wish there was not.
Romee
Abby, I absolutely agree. A person MUST do their research and watch the wording very carefully of anything adoption related they intend to support.
Those who would end adoption are very real, they have acheieved some of what they want in other parts of the world. Because they have, children needlessly wait for a permanent home.
“That stuff that you are quoting from does not sound anything like I believe, or many other family preservationists”
Their officail website is http://www.ppffpp.org/ but expect not to find the information quoted above there, it is the feel good and trying to save the world website (their warm and fuzzy).
You can find their true agenda and quotes from above at their other site http://www.familypreservation.blogspot.com/. You will have to spend time reading through a lot of nonsense to find their agenda.
So, Jan I am sorry it does come from a family prevervation site. My stand is to encourage everyone to investigate who they put their trust in and don’t believe all the warm and fuzzy statements they use to draw people in.
You or anybody else can support any persons, beliefs, movements, etc, that is your choice. I am just trying to provide others information about a movement that is against adoption and the organization is trying to hide the the truth.
Heather, sorry but people have the right to know who and what are waging an attack on adoptive parents and adoptees. Sorry, I do not stick my head in the sand and pretend that it is okay when a movement is attacking adoption, including my life as an adoptee.
Abby
Sandra,
Girl “they” are after you but keep up the good work. You can come hide at my house if “they” find you:)
Abby
Romee,
Thanks, you totally understood what I was saying.
Abby
Deb,
You are correct about people trying to end adoption. People can not fight against something they do not know is out there. The most important thing is arming people with the truth, so they can make informed choices. Thanks:)
Abby
“So, Jan I am sorry it does come from a family prevervation site. My stand is to encourage everyone to investigate who they put their trust in and don’t believe all the warm and fuzzy statements they use to draw people in.”
Both of those sites you referenced are from the same one person who has recently been to the blogs and caused such an uproar. Amazing that one person could cause such a stir.
Ok, so what is *your* agenda in highlighting the LEAST credible family preservation site, and ignorning those such as Ethica, among most credible? Ethica makes some really valid points about family preservation. Do you think they’re full of it, too?
“Having an agenda” … yes, we all have one, even you. (Yours is to promote adoption.) “Having an agenda” is not as sinister as it sounds.
I think Abby brings home a very important bit of advice here: Do your research and be careful about where and in whom you put your trust.
Now, Jan, as for one person causing such a stir – it is that amazing, it is possible and she has. It is brilliant book promotion and really helps her get her name out there. She’s been Googling all of us and cut & pasting her statistics and byline on every blog or article any of us have written that she possibly can. It is brilliant guerilla promotion (that is an industry term, not a comparison to an ape) and gives her wider name recognition. Our bloggers could take a lesson from her promotional tactics!
Here is another “reform” site…I think if you read the proposed legislation (which is hard to do because it is sort of written nonsensically, has a lot of seemingly bad statistics and has tons of misspellings), you will come away with the idea that the REAL purpose of the “reform” for some is,in effect, the elimination of domestic infant adoptions (or at least dang close to that). I frankly am disturbed by that concept, not just because I am an adoptive mom, but because what the “proposals” do in my opinion are to limit the choices of many pregnant women who choose adoption. Everyone knows that adoption is not an “easy” decision, but sometimes for the birth parents it is the one they choose and feel is right.
I think a lot of adoptive parents (especially ones like me who feel “guilty” about being blessed by adoption, when they know it causes suffering) like to say that they support “reform,” without really knowing what reforms they support. I think an underlying “current” in a lot of discussion is that adoption as a whole is unethical…I have a real problem with that.
http://www.nationalinfantadoptionreformact.com/home.htm
Good post…Thanks.
“Having an agenda” … yes, we all have one, even you. (Yours is to promote adoption.) “Having an agenda” is not as sinister as it sounds”
I beg to differ, Heather.
Defending a position (which is what I feel like many of us who support adoption end up doing in SO MANY “dialogues”) allows you to consider other points of view and give credit and consideration to valid points. I have seen many bloggers here do that. Deb, Jan, Abby, Heather and Sandra all come to mind. I have seen them agree that reform IS needed, that the complaints re: coercion, pressure, “baby-selling” DO occur, that these things are wrong and harmful. I seen them recognize and validate, publically, each of these points made from “the other side”, as well as provide reasonable solutions (none are perfect solutions, of course) to attempt to work through those problems. They are not telling people that adoption is the ONLY ethical choice. Their focus is to keep an option OPEN for families facing a crisis pregnacy.
Having an agenda means you are only interested in cutting the options down to those that directly support your point of view. This is what the people who agressively support “anti-adoption” propoganda are doing, IMO. They do NOT admit any flaws inherent in their philosophy that all unexpectedly pregnant families are longing to parent. People who have a hidden agenda WILL NOT address the hard questions posed about the welfare of the child. They avoid, equivocate and deflect. They accuse those who support adoption of “keeping secrets”, yet they are rarely, if ever, forthcoming with all the details of their own position. They answer direct questions with indirect statements containing suspicious statistics and quotes. They use tactics of subterfuge to gain “recruits” to their “side” and then they disappear when their tactics are discovered. There is deceit in a hidden agenda.
This, to me, is the difference between those defending a position and those with a hidden agenda. Do “pro-adoption” people have an agenda? Some do, I’m sure…I don’t know everyone who blogs on adoptionblogs.com well, but of those I read frequently (abby, jan, sandra, deb, nancy, cindy, erin h.), I don’t generally see a hidden agenda although opinions differ. Are some “reform” people defending a position honestly? Sure. There are many here who are not wild about adoption, but are open and honest in their approach.
I have no problem with an opposing view. Everyone is responsible for collecting information, analyzing it and making the best decision for themselves with it. I DO have a problem with people with hidden agendas….no good comes from it.
Another interesting (but not hijacked) conversation.
Just a few things:
One: I do have an agenda and that is that I do everything in my power to ensure that my son grows up healthy, happy and loved. That entails that I look at all sides of the adoption triad and defend myself (and him) and countless other children if needed. It also means that if reform is needed AND it truly is in the best interest of the children, than I am behind it.
Two: I keep hearing about “the hard truths” of adoption and “what no one wants to look at,” etc. (and yes, a wealth of statistics purporting the evils of adoption), and I get frustrated. I DO look at the issues, and often I am hurt and taken aback by some of the stuff people say or imply, especially in relation to adoptive parents. I think I feel my second head beginning to grow.
Finally, in regards to the family preservation movement. Where I live, and when I was involved in social services, keeping children with their birth parents was the paramount philosophy and one, for the most part, I supported. Unfortunately, like any law or policy, it created not a few too many problems – like children continually sent home until they were dead (two cases just in the last year). Now I see the pendulum swinging back. Somewhere in the middle is the happy medium. I would not wish for it to swing all the way back to the far side where children are taken no matter what.
My other experience with the “biological family” as preferred model? Months of counseling and hard work on the part of disturbed children destroyed in an afternoon of a state mandated family visit. Highly frustrating. AND, I would not wish my stepsister on any child. I know her four avoid her at all costs.
So, I will continue to support adoption as viable alternative for children – not the worst possible choice (as a few people believe) of all choices because frankly, I have seen many of those (fostering, group homes, guardianship, bouncing between home and foster care, the streets, prostitution, death, etc.)
ALL of this is JMHO.
Romee
So true.
Those anti-adoption people BOTHER me. It’s just like all of the other things out there that are not totally logical, that use half truths and lies to support their positions instead of looking at the middle ground which is what I’m interested in.
I’m interested in what helps children the most. If children are not taken care of while they are still young they grow up into the troubled, to put it mildly, adults I’ve encountered my whole life. They suffer from eating disorders, they cut themselves, they have a whole host of problems because of abuse in the past.
So when these so-called Family Preservation people come along, it drives me insane because they put too much store in biology. A statement like “they are not the parents” when these folks are dooing what parents do? Is a person whose abusive more or a parent just because of biology than an adoptive parent that isn’t?
I’m rambling too much, but it bothers me so much…
I also don’t see how guardian ship is a better option that adoption…