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At times it seems like adoption is all doom and gloom for a whole number of reasons. You will have gloom in adoption just as everything else in this life. But gloom does not fill adoption as some would like others to believe. There are plenty of adoptees that have lived a happy and fulfilled life even with being adopted.
While there are a few adoptees that are scarred, wounded through adoption, this is not the case for most adoptees. Granted it is easy to wonder what kind of impact adoption will have on an adoptee when there seems to be so much negativity concerning adoption.
I had a conversation awhile back about why there only seemed to be adoptees blogging and speaking out that had great issues with adoption. The question was asked why do people look for things on the internet and the reasons are: the need of information, struggling with issues, looking to make sense of their own adoption, finding others with the same feelings to relate to, etc.. This means there is not necessarily a lot of unhappy adoptees out there but maybe some that struggle with adoption find themselves needing the outlet to write about their feelings. Most adoptees I know do not think adoption is a negative thing or a focus in their lives, which means they are living life. To them adoption is just a part of their lives not the source of their issues or pain, so they do not need to live with adoption as the focus.
My parents did not raise me as being adopted (meaning I was raised just as other children) nor was it the central theme of my childhood. I was raised as any other child that was loved it just happened to be through adoption. I believe with adoptees the main thing should be providing them a loving family and allowing the too become the person they are. My childhood is not fulfilled with thoughts of adoption but normal childhood memories. When I think and remember things from my childhood it is about family times we had together, the holidays we celebrated, and the bonds that grew over the years. When I talk about my life I talk about my children, husband, family, pets, friends, childhood….my life which is not all about adoption.
This is one of my last adoption blogs here so I wanted to leave one last voice that adoption can be an amazing gift and experience when you are blessed with great adoptive parents. Do not believe all the gloom and doom about adoption.
More reading:
I also had a wonderful experience as being an adoptee. It was never an issue with any family or friends. I question as to why I want to search, but I do. I don’t know about other adoptees, but I feel as if I am not whole. I have always felt like something was missing inside me. Maybe that’s just me. I want to know, but I don’t want to feel rejected either. Does that make sense?
Hi. My name is Jason, a Korean-American adoptee from
New York City. I am currently in post production on a
documentary tentatively titled “Going Home” which chronicles my journey to find my birth family in South Korea. As an adoptee, it was extremely important for me to depict the process and my own personal journey in an honest light, especially from a male’s point of view. It is my belief that as an adoptee, I have very different views and definitions of what family is and it is constantly growing and evolving. I feel as though the general perception of adoptees is rather negative. However, this documentary is really a celebration of adoption and demonstrates that adoptees are not people with existential questions but are people who have
found or a searching for a unique balance in his/her environment. Please look at http://www.thirdcatproductions.com for more information. I hope you will support us in a journey that has meant so much to me.
Adoption is awesome, just check out this story:
“Three Little Words: A Memior” by Ashley Rhodes-Courter
It’s available in bookstore and online….
Ahem!–?? I cannot help but wonder what planet you came from or are you in such a sad state of denial that being adopted or being affected by your adoption is considered a defect or less than perfect since what you must pretend to be or your wonderful Life and family will disappear, again.
We can have a wonderful experience being adopted but that doesnt erase the experience and memory of being given up by our first mothers. Every one of us feels and knows that our first mothers refused to keep us. That doesnt make any adoptee feel good about themselves. Thats our reality and whether it becomes a defect or a scar depends on the way the individual resolves it. The knowledge and memory of separation from the first mother does cause pain in us and thats normal. We can feel that loss even when we are adopted by a wonderful family. It becomes our responsibility to integrate that experience into our personalities in such a way that we can draw strength from it instead of it taking from us. We walk two paths as adoptees; one is the path that we walk with others, the other is the path that searches for the authentic self and we walk that path alone. When the two paths come together thats the time when we own our pain and it no longer owns us.
I am an adoptee and have found my birth parents and another sister that was given up too.
it has been a very bad experience and my new sister and I are just greatful we have each other now.
I’m new to this site and this is the first blog I’ve stumbled upon that I feel I can relate to. Long story short, I am an adoptee who has spent quite a bit of my life being “haunted” by being given up at birth. While I know it was for the best and I am blessed with wonderful parents, I still feel like something is missing in my life. Does anyone else feel like this? Are there any good resources out there to help someone like me? I really want to resolve this void somehow, but I can’t seem to get to that point yet.
I have never truly discussed being given up for adoption. I think, right there, the “given up” part, is hard for all adoptees. But, my family is just like every other, in that we all have our issues. No family is perfect. I had a great childhood with the knowledge and celebration of being adopted. My Mom made the day we met a very special occasion every year. Like a second birthday.
I am also an adoptee and just like a lot of other adoptees I have had an amazing life. My parents still love and support me with everything I do in life.
I do wish to make contact and just have some questions answered. There is a lot I think about and I now of only one person I can ask those questions to. I don’t feel that making contact would change the way I feel about my parents, if anything it will make the bond even so much stronger.
to teacher 102 I DON’T THINK YOU EVER FILL THAT VOID I AM 44 YEARS OLD AND WAS GIVEN UP AT BIRTH. I WAS ADOPTED AT AGE 6 MY ADOPTIVE PARENTS HAVE PASSED NOW AND I AM REALLY FEELING A LOSS. MY MOM PASSED TWO YEARS AGO I AM STILL SAD AND LONELY. I HAVE JUST REALIZED I AM JUST GOING TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT.
DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON HOW O FIND AN ADOPTED SIBLING? I HAVE TWO BIOLOGICAL SISTRS ONE WAS GIVEN UP FOR ADOPTION AND THE OTHER WAS RAISED BY MY GRANDMOTHER. I DO KNOW THEIR NAMES OR BIRTHDATES ANY SUGGESTIONS?
Male Born 1/24/60 In Boise At St. Alphonsus Hospital..
Birth name Timothy Scott Smith
and
Male Born 1/26/61 In Boise At St. Alphonsus Hospital ..
Birth name: Patrick William Smith
Placed up for Adoption
Birth Family wants to find you
Hi all,
This is the first adoption type site that I have ever been on and actually written something.
I am 32 years old and from the UK. At the age of 2 I was placed with foster parents. The same foster parents adopted me several years later. Sadly,they were both dead by the time I was 13. I spent the rest of my childhood in the care of my local authority in the North of England. I eventually moved to the South where I now live and work. I have a very successful career and have many, many friends and a really understanding partner.
One year ago my natural mother decided she wanted to spark up a relationship. I had met her briefly when I was 16 so she didn’t find it too difficult to track me down. I was really pleased at first and felt as though the ‘void’ that so many of you above refer to had finally been plugged. However, one year on and that hole or void, it is back with all that I never anticipated I would feel again-and worse.
I always promised myself (having lost two adopted parents) that if i were lucky enough to ever gain a relationship with my natural mother I would treasure her no matter what.
I never blamed her for my adoption and have always understood her situation. However, although she’s a decent, loving woman I just cannot stand an emotional connection with her. I do not want her to get too close to me and although this probably started out as a concious decision borne of self protection I cannot open up to her. She hasn’t given up on me yet. Infact, the more I push her away the more she seems to make the point to me that she is not going to leave or reject me since I told her when we first met that I was worried about this.
I’m polite, civil, giving (to an extent) and very open with her.
My feeling is that after taking all these years to reestablish my identity its now all up in the air again. Having to adjust again to the relationship is not as easy as you may imagine and in a way I wish she had of just left me to get on with my life. It sounds selfish I know. Like I said, I was on cloud 9 for a few months. But, and I don’t know if this will strike a chord with anyone out there- this switch inside of me that springs into life when someone gets too close or things are going too well flicked on.
My heart breaks for those of you who are looking for your natural parents-especially those of you who have lost adopted parents I know exactly how that feels. However, my point in the above is that sometimes it isn’t how you want it to be in the end. I want to let my mum into my heart and I swear I really do. I couldn’t really ask much more of her because she is trying harder than maybe I deserve.
So, although finding a parent may be initially overwhelming, all those feelings that every adoptee has somewhere do not disappear. Infact, they are magnified by a thousand times. Your future meets your past if that makes any sense.
If you are preparing to meet a parent then I really suggest that you take things really slowly to start with as you will feel some things you could not have anticipated. It is actually hard work and one must be prepared to be honest with onself in dealing with the issues that will arise.
I was adopted at 3 weeks old. I have not known any parents other than the ones who chose me. I do not say I was given up. I prefer to say that I was chosen. Although I know if anything happens to my parents I will be alone, I have no brothers or sisters, none that I have met or know anyway. My daughter and granddaughter are all that I have. That is the only downfall I have. I love my parents, they have been better to me than many parents are to their own flesh and blood. My other family members well they say they accept me but deep down I know different.
deanie I was wondering the damething. I really do not need to find my parents. I do at times want to fin siblings. I know one sibling was older than me and my father had chilfren with his wife. That is all I know. They are from the Rantoul Champaign area.
this is the first time i am on a site like this…i never really talk about my whole problem cus no one i now is going threw………..
my mother was 19 when she had me and 21 when she had my brother.. i live with my brother but he is in denial and hates them….i want to find my parents so bad… i was adopted in west plam beach and i also have an other brother that i dont know… my dads name is charles scanlan… my mother and father were in and out of jail… when cps found me and my dad i was 18 months and i lived under a bridge..i was so under weight i could not hold my head up… my adoptive father said that if they found me a week later i would of died….i was also a crack baby…i have a great aunt name elizabeth west….even though all the crap they put me though i want to meet them and for them to be apart of my life…i am about to be on the florida adoption registery in a few weeks they said…. they also told me i have to wait a year to get any non identify info…. i do know my mother is 36 or 37…. can anyone help me or give me advice i really need any help i can get……
thank for listening
We may be writing to those in the know here, but anyway, please see the link >
http://about-orphans.blogspot.com