When I hear about, or become involved with an adoptive situation where everything revolves around adoption, it bothers me. I guess mainly because I’m an adoptee. I have been around young adoptees and adoptive families were the conversations always seemed to revolve around adoption. There has to be a balance of life, childhood and adoption.

I am not trying to be like everyone else (meaning people not adopted) or not act like I am not adopted in anyway. Adoption is part of my life (a big part) but it is not who I am, nor does it define me or where my life will go. I am so much more than an adoptee.

I just wrote about whether adoption is the root of all adoptees issues. I talked about my mistakes in life that I did not feel were adoption related. One comment struck a cord with me and made me think about it more in detail. Should adoptees feel, or be more comfortable talking with other adoptees about at least what I feel are life issues rather than adoption issues? In life there are plenty of people that I can relate to that are not adoptees over life experiences. I do not feel the need to limit my world, relationships and experiences to adoption only.

I talked about my marrying young and making a stupid life choice (in my mind not related to being adopted) and there are a number of other people that have similar choices that were not related to being adopted. In my mind I can relate to non-adopted people about my life experiences. Also I can relate to families and mothers that are not adoptive even through I am also an adoptive parent.

I do realize that I share some feelings with other adoptees and can relate to adoptees without problems. I do not think my sharing parenting experiences can only be shared by other adoptive families. I realize there are certain issues that parents that have not adopted would not understand but that does not mean we cannot relate on other things.

When I see my children, I do not see them as birth or adopted. They are just my children not defined by how they came into my life. I do not raise my children as adoptees they are my children that happen to be adopted. Their lives are just like any other children. Normal as can be, with the element of being adopted. I am no different as other adults I just happen to be an adoptee. I think we have to remember every person has their own experiences, challenges, and in some cases, hardships to face in life to handle but it should not define the person they are. The experiences we have will shape the person we become.

More reading:

Expectations of an Adoptee

What are Society’s Expectations of Adoptees