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I read a question concerning adopting the other day addressed to Dr. Joyce Brothers. A mother of a 3 year old was concerned that their daughter was an only child, and the mother cannot have any more children. The couple was thinking of adopting a playmate (their words, not mine) for their daughter. The mom stated they loved their daughter so much that they would be willing to adopt a permanent playmate for her (yes, this was their words).
This got me to thinking about adoptees that I know that back in the day that were adopted not necessarily for the right reason. Couples were expected to become parents. Some couples adopted to become parents, but not necessarily to parent their child. Some did it for the outside world or the business world there was a family image to present, and some included the adopted child. The reality was that some children were adopted to more or less to become the decorations in their parents lives. These children grew up feeling double rejection.
I know that there can be a number of reasons a person wants or chooses to adopt, but the main reason should be to build a family. If this is not the main reason for you to adopt, think about it more. Remember the children that are being adopted grow up to be teens and then adults with life long commitments. When we decided it was time to adopt for our family, there were several reasons. First, and foremost, we wanted to add to our family, and we did not want our daughter growing up as an only child. We desired a large family.
As an adoptee I knew I wanted to adopt since probably around my teens and knew I wanted to adopt from foster care. Maybe it was a desire to parent and love a child in need of a home and a future. Coming from a bad birth family situation where in time I most likely would have ended up involved with child welfare. I wonder where I would have ended up without my (adoptive) parents.
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I agree. This is one reason we chose not to adopt again. At first, I really wanted to parent a second child. However as my son left the diaper stage and parenting got a little easier, my motivation to adopt again was more about adding a sibling that it was about adding a child to love. I decided that was not a good enough reason to ask another woman to entrust her child with my family.
While there are many good reasons to add a child to your family, I believe that “because I really WANT to parent another child” needs to make the list. If it does not, then I would reconsider whether or not adopting again is a good idea.
Good post!
- Faith
There’s another reason out there that I am not terribly comfortable with. I’m sure you’ve heard it. There are people who adopt to have somebody who will take care of them when they get old. While I understand that it is a frightening thing to think about being elderly and alone, I don’t think it’s a good reason to adopt a child. I try not to be judgmental about people’s reasons for adopting, I am concerned for children who are adopted with unfair expectations attached.
So what happens when they adopt and their new child doesn’t get along with his/her new sibling? What if new child doesn’t want to be that childs playmate? Do they “give the kid back”? adopt a third? Uh I feel sick to my stomach
I know people who chose to add a second child through birth (no relation to adoption) so that child #1 could have a sibling. Big mistake — the boys don’t get along at all.
- Faith
Adopting a child so that your kid can have a playmate? That sounds pretty much like slavery to me.
That twit needs to be told to GET A PUPPY!