I read a question concerning adopting the other day addressed to Dr. Joyce Brothers. A mother of a 3 year old was concerned that their daughter was an only child, and the mother cannot have any more children. The couple was thinking of adopting a playmate (their words, not mine) for their daughter. The mom stated they loved their daughter so much that they would be willing to adopt a permanent playmate for her (yes, this was their words).

This got me to thinking about adoptees that I know that back in the day that were adopted not necessarily for the right reason. Couples were expected to become parents. Some couples adopted to become parents, but not necessarily to parent their child. Some did it for the outside world or the business world there was a family image to present, and some included the adopted child. The reality was that some children were adopted to more or less to become the decorations in their parents lives. These children grew up feeling double rejection.

I know that there can be a number of reasons a person wants or chooses to adopt, but the main reason should be to build a family. If this is not the main reason for you to adopt, think about it more. Remember the children that are being adopted grow up to be teens and then adults with life long commitments. When we decided it was time to adopt for our family, there were several reasons. First, and foremost, we wanted to add to our family, and we did not want our daughter growing up as an only child. We desired a large family.

As an adoptee I knew I wanted to adopt since probably around my teens and knew I wanted to adopt from foster care. Maybe it was a desire to parent and love a child in need of a home and a future. Coming from a bad birth family situation where in time I most likely would have ended up involved with child welfare. I wonder where I would have ended up without my (adoptive) parents.

More reading:

Adoptees, Birth and Adoptive Parents and Everyone Else

Love Thursday Sibling Love

The Faces of Adoptees