This can be stressful and a lot for you to deal with, so going slow and taking your time can help this process. You need to think of what you want out of contacting your birth family, a full family contact, occasional phone call and emails this could possibly include some in-person visits, or just a one time meeting. The next thing you need to think of is what you hope to get out of searching or making contact with your birth family, to have a relationship with them, to get medical information, or just the story of your beginning and what happened.

Every person involved in this process, should respect the other person's feelings, thoughts, desires, and beliefs. Being open, up front and honest with everyone involved is the only way you can have successful contact or a reunion with your birth family. Remember, this is just as stressful to your birth family and they also will have their own expectations of how they want things to go.

I believe most birth mothers wait for the day when the children that they gave up find them and want to have contact with them. If you learn that your birth mother or other birth family members want more than you can give at least at this point in time, then talk with your birth mother about what you want out of the relationship. Do not let this go on because it can only lead to pain for all involved, especially for your birth mother.

There are some reunions that cannot overcome the problems and challenges that they face. It could be that things moved too quickly and that everyone needs to take a step back to allow time for adjustment. The key is to keep the lines of communication open with everyone and being honest. You need to know what you hope to get from your contact with your birth family.

Related and helpful posts from our Adoption Search blog:

Top Ten Ways To Succeed at Reunion


Reunion Expectations