Continued

I did talk with my doctor (one I have been with for years) about what we were told. To my surprise she stated that she already thought my daughter was mixed for the entire year she had been treating her. I responded, “Why didn’t you say anything to me?” She responded, “ I did not think it mattered to you.” I said, “It does not matter. I would have liked you to share this with me instead of being the last to know. It seems so crazy I never thought of it. How do I begin to think about explaining this to her one day?” My doctor said the most helpful and amazing thing to me. “Abby you see her with a mother’s heart filled with love for your daughter. That is not bad. There is no difference in now and before you knew, in how you should raise her. Most likely there will come a time when she is older or an adult that you will have to talk to her about her possible ethnic make up.”

Nothing changed for my daughter or for our family. For others once they learned we were adopting we did get more questions about her differences. I guess that when others realize that she will be ours they are more out to ask nosy questions.

We heard some subtle questions or comments and some just right down tacky, rude and nasty questions or comments. Some of them just roll off no big deal while others make you clinch your teeth. It is amazing that people feel comfortable and that is okay to ask strangers and friends (not the close ones) personal questions especially about adoptees children or even adults. I have a few people just out right stated that they did not know that we were going to adopted an African American child or question where her ancestors came from. The problem is that no one knows if she is mixed and what her ethnic make up is so all I know is that she is my daughter.

More reading:

Transracial Adoption- About the Kids

Child’s Privacy: Need to Know Basis